


Five Times Having An Alien Prince's Baby Sucked A Lot, And One Time It Didn't

by shinyopals



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis Friendship, Jane Foster Loves Science, Loki as Odin is a dick, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, POV Jane Foster, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Pregnancy, Pregnant Jane Foster, Thor Is Not Stupid, Thor is Adorable, Unplanned Pregnancy, and ignores even more the Thor 3 rumours, bite me marvel, in fact it ignores the hell out of Civil War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-12 19:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7946284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinyopals/pseuds/shinyopals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>It was the doctor’s turn to look nonplussed. ‘Dr Foster,’ she said quietly, ‘you’re around four weeks pregnant.’</i><br/><i>‘No I’m not,’ said Jane again. She was pretty sure she’d remember if Thor had reappeared for some awesome sex a month ago. He had not. She’d gotten through enough batteries to prove it.</i><br/>Jane isn't quite sure how this all happened. She just knows it's a lot of work and it keeps taking her away from her Physics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks forever to [Niobium](http://archiveofourown.org/users/niobium) for beta reading!
> 
> Note that this takes place after Age of Ultron and ignores everything in the MCU canon that comes after that, for a variety of reasons.

In Jane’s life, nobody had ever called her ‘chilled out’, or any synonym thereof. In fact, many times, words to the opposite effect had been used, particularly in fights with soon-to-be-exes. Jane had accepted this quality about herself: after all, her totally healthy level of paranoia about oppressive government organisations had been completely justified with SHIELD.

She had to admit though, sometimes work got in the way of her remembering to freak out about other stuff. It was because of some extremely interesting pulsar frequency variation data collection that she forgot her period was late until two weeks had passed. She bought five pregnancy tests, because she’d googled the possibility of false results.

Four came back negative. One came back positive. 

She did some quick math, bought another few (all negative), and decided she probably just needed to take some iron supplements. Thor was in Asgard, and had been for a month since all that shit with Ultron, so her meals were significantly less healthy and regular than they had been.

Then, since she wasn’t pregnant, she accepted some consulting work in Japan. She and Darcy flew out the next morning.

Two months later saw her in Philly, delivering a series of lectures about the Foster Theory as applied to the Convergence. Thor was still not back. She was a bit sulky about it, although she tried her best not to be. He had warned her that he would potentially be away for a long time. It was just the longest they’d been separated since the two years after they’d first met. 

The last night in Philly - with one final lecture the following morning before an overnight flight to Bergen - she was repacking her bag and found an unused pack of tampons. It occurred to her it had been a while.

She wrinkled her nose and internally debated what to do. If she wasn’t pregnant, it might be something else, and she should probably do something about that. She wasn’t particularly using her uterus at that moment but she should keep it maintained in case she needed it in the future. (And for a moment she thought about Thor and wondered…) If she could get an appointment for the following afternoon at least she’d have a doctor that spoke English, and these days money wasn’t really an object. Grumbling to herself, she hit up Google and looked up some local OB-GYNs.

~*~

‘Well, Dr Foster, it looks as though you’re pregnant.’

‘No I’m not,’ said Jane automatically.

The OB gave her a reassuring smile over her glasses. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘It’s perfectly normal for women to not realise this early on.’

Jane blinked. ‘I did tests,’ she said. ‘They said no.’ She had _calculated_ she was not pregnant. To ninety-nine percent confidence. 

‘Store bought tests are never completely accurate,’ replied the OB. ‘Especially not so early on in the pregnancy.’

‘It can’t be that early,’ said Jane. ‘I haven’t had sex in three months.’ She wondered if this doctor was definitely a real doctor. Maybe there was a mistake. That seemed likely.

It was the doctor’s turn to look nonplussed. ‘Dr Foster,’ she said quietly, ‘you’re around four weeks pregnant.’

‘No I’m not,’ said Jane again. She was pretty sure she’d remember if Thor had reappeared for some awesome sex a month ago. He had not. She’d gotten through enough batteries to prove it.

‘I’m sorry, but you are,’ replied the OB in the same quiet, reassuring tone. ‘Anything you say to me is confidential so you needn’t worry about a husband or partner finding out.’

Jane snorted with laughter. It was probably not an appropriate reaction, but it was the only one she could manage. 

‘There’s something else we need to discuss,’ said the doctor. ‘At this early stage things are always variable, but your hormone levels are very unusual. I think we need to do some further tests.’

At this point, it began to occur to Jane that she probably shouldn’t put test results of a potential probably-not-real half-alien pregnancy through the US healthcare system. If she was pregnant. Which she was pretty sure she wasn’t.

‘Thanks, but I think I’ll make an appointment with my regular OB so I don’t have to come back to Philly for follow-ups,’ she said. She hoped this doctor would just forget she ever existed.

~*~

‘Darcy! Cancel Bergen! We’re going to see the Avengers!’

‘Wait, what? Why? Is the world ending?’

‘No, I just need to see Helen.’

Darcy’s face paled slightly. ‘Shit, Jane, are you ok?’

‘Yeah, um, fine, I think.’ She looked over at her friend, who she’d told she was going to the doctor. And now she was running to another doctor. She supposed it was normal for Darcy to worry. ‘I might be pregnant,’ she admitted. 

Darcy’s eyes widened. ‘Ohmygod,’ she said.

‘Yes,’ agreed Jane. That about summed it up.

~*~

‘Jane,’ said Helen. Jane’s eyes flew open. It was half two in the morning, in Helen’s lab. She’d been reading and dozing and occasionally pausing to have blood collected or some device scan her. Darcy was asleep at the other end of the couch and she nudged her with her foot to wake her.

‘Wha- Jane?’

‘Perhaps you would both like some tea,’ said Helen, in that tranquil voice of hers. Normally it was very calming. That night it was not.

‘Helen,’ said Jane, frowning.

Helen then nodded. ‘Very well,’ she said. She sat down on the couch next to Jane. ‘I can confirm what you have been told: you appear to be four weeks pregnant, with a few slight abnormalities in your blood. These include unusual levels of certain hormones, as your doctor told you, but also some that I have never seen before.’

‘Oh,’ said Jane, faintly. It suddenly seemed like it might be real. She looked down at her stomach but couldn’t see anything different from usual. Could she really be housing a proto-person in there?

‘Perhaps we should do some more tests,’ said Helen. Her voice sounded very far away.

‘I… right…’ Jane replied. Breathing suddenly seemed like a struggle.

‘Woah, Jane,’ said Darcy, leaning forward suddenly. Jane felt the pressure on her arm without really registering it. ‘Breathe, boss lady,’ said Darcy. ‘In and out, no need to panic.’

‘I’m fine,’ Jane managed. She was not completely certain that was true. She took a deep breath in, counted to four, then exhaled. ‘I’m fine,’ she repeated. ‘We should probably do some more tests.’

‘We should probably ask Heimdall to tell Thor to hurry the fuck up,’ said Darcy. 

Jane found herself nodding. She wanted a hug.

Darcy, miraculously, seemed to read her mind, and hugged her tightly. ‘No freak-outs necessary,’ she said. ‘It’s all going to be fine.’

‘Yeah,’ Jane agreed quietly into Darcy’s shoulder, hoping that was true.

~*~

Thor did not reappear.

Jane went from mostly-understanding to mostly-annoyed to mostly-tearful and then back again, sometimes all in the span of a single day. She and Darcy moved into rooms at the Avengers’ new facility under the guise of doing some research. In actuality, it was so Helen could keep an eye on her and keep doing tests. Tests that gave no answers at all, other than continued confirmation that yes, there was a fetus developing in there and yes, it was fairly human but not completely so.

She wasn’t even sure she wanted a baby. She still had a lot of work to do and grants to win (and hopefully Nobel prizes to win), and here she was. But she did like the idea of a family with Thor, if she was honest with herself. It just hadn’t ever seemed possible before. Except Thor was meant to be _there_ , with her, not on some unknown planet doing some heroic quest that had sounded fictional when he’d explained it. 

Did he want a baby with her? That thought began to haunt her with alarming regularity when she was trying to work, or to sleep, or to do anything. They’d not talked about it. Their worlds were too incompatible so they avoided discussions of the future. Maybe he just wanted a girlfriend. Maybe his plan was to get married to some Asgardian lady after she’d died, so his children could be strong and long-lived and not half-human. 

She asked Helen about termination. Just in case. Helen did some research. All she could come back with were guesses: about the duration of the pregnancy and when the fetus would be viable; about whether an abortion pill would even be possible.

‘Still,’ she told Jane, ‘the pregnancy is progressing much more slowly than a human one. You have time to wait and decide if you wish to.’

Jane talked to Heimdall - or rather, to the sky - a few times. She tried not to beg or plead. She was alive and well so far, apart from an increased appetite and an occasional dizziness, so if the fate of the universe was in the balance, Thor should probably keep doing what he was doing. Probably. Asshole.

‘I was on birth control,’ she huffed at Darcy one day.

‘Did you remember to take it every day at the correct time?’ asked Darcy skeptically.

‘Yes!’ Jane tried not to look too insulted. She had phone reminders for medication. ‘And he was on birth control too.’

Darcy raised an eyebrow. ‘Neat,’ she said. ‘Well, it would be neat if it worked I guess.’

‘Ugh,’ muttered Jane. 

‘Sometimes it just fails,’ said Darcy reasonably. ‘Or maybe he’s got alien super spunk. Or anything. Who knows?’

‘Not me, that’s for sure,’ replied Jane with a scowl, because she didn’t. Neither did Helen or anyone else on Earth.

~*~

Six months after Thor had left, Helen informed her she was now ten weeks’ pregnant, by human estimation. 

In the time, Jane had done her best to ignore the whole baby thing. She still mostly lived in the Avengers compound, but she’d written a paper and done some lectures and attended a conference in between Helen recording data about her. She’d also won a Nobel prize. Which had been amazing. Even if Thor had missed it. Stupid universe with its stupid infinity stones.

‘From what I can tell, the development is diverging slightly from a standard human pregnancy,’ Helen told her. ‘I’m sorry, but I would not care to accurately extrapolate the length of the pregnancy, nor… whether the fetus is developing normally.’ She hesitated. ‘With your permission I would like to consult a colleague with more expertise in gynecological medicine.’

‘Sure, I guess,’ said Jane. ‘As long as it’s confidential.’

Then she went back to her room and cried for a bit. Then she went to her lab and tried to punch a hole in the universe, because her physics actually gave her _answers_. Tony Stark was there, because for everything he said about stepping back from the Avengers, he actually liked their company way too much, and he and Jane were working together on a background project about gravity control. Tony was, fortunately, too engrossed in the work to notice any peculiarities about Jane. Which was helpful, because she kept getting her math wrong.

Then suddenly he looked up.

‘Jane, have you seen this? It looks like the Bifr-’

He didn’t finish, because there was a rumble of thunder above their heads. Jane jumped from her seat as outside the window a brilliant, _wonderful_ rainbow stream of light nearly blinded her as it crashed into the ground. The glass shattered and she yelped as Tony grabbed her and pushed her down behind a bench, landing half on top of her.

‘Does he have to make such an entrance?’ he grumbled.

Jane didn’t say anything. She was having trouble breathing. What if he was only back to say he would have to go away for longer? What if it was someone else, here to tell her Thor was injured or worse? What if-?

‘Jane.’ The deep voice was familiar and something in Jane’s heart threatened to burst. She scrambled to her feet and stared.

Thor. He’d apparently climbed through the now gaping window and was looking about the room for her, eyebrows lowered in worry. He still looked the same. Of course he did. Hair a little longer again, perhaps, but armour still gleaming in the light and bright blue eyes that still softened when he caught sight of her and smiled. God, she’d missed that smile.

‘You know glass costs money, right buddy?’ said Tony, beside Jane.

Thor ignored him. Jane did too. Finding her feet, she ran around the bench and across the lab, kicking a chair out of her way before throwing herself into Thor’s arms. He laughed and picked her up and spun her around and she kissed him, hard, winding her fingers through his stupidly long hair. He still smelled like the rain, but with an undertone of oil that was typically more her signature scent than his.

‘Jane,’ he said quietly again, their noses still pressed together. She didn’t open her eyes. Instead she buried her nose into his neck: one cheek cool against the top of his breastplate, the other warm against the slight tickle of his beard.

Eventually he returned her to the ground and leaned back, studying her, his face creased with worry again. ‘Heimdall said you needed me. I could not come before. I-’

Jane suddenly (mortifyingly) burst into tears. Again.

‘Gotta go,’ she heard Tony say from behind in a slightly strangled voice. ‘Meeting. See you later.’

Thor did not press her to talk immediately. Instead her took her properly into his arms again and held her tightly, vanishing his armour to make the embrace more comfortable. Jane sobbed into his chest and tried to stem the flow. There they stayed, until Jane trusted herself to talk and leaned back, sniffling and wiping her eyes on the sleeves of her shirt. 

‘Sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘It’s been a weird few months.’

She glanced up to see Thor clearly doing his best to look patient. He couldn’t quite mask what looked like fear in his eyes, however, and Jane felt herself welling up again. She screwed her eyes shut tightly and turned away to wipe them again.

‘Jane, would you like…? Should we…?’ He trailed off and when she looked back he gave her a slightly hopeless shrug. 

‘I’m fine,’ she said at last. ‘We’re fine. I think.’

‘You _think_? Jane, I-’

‘I’m pregnant,’ she interrupted, not wanting him to have to voice whatever worries this conversation was giving him.

‘Oh,’ he said, very softly. Jane looked up at him again and could read nothing but concern in his features.

‘I’m at least six months pregnant,’ she said. ‘But by human standards it looks like I’m two and a half. And we don’t know how long it’ll be in there. And we don’t know if it’s developing normally. And we don’t even know if it’s possible for me to have this kid. And- I don’t know if you want it.’ She felt another sob rise within her and she looked down at the notes on the lab bench to stifle it. ‘And I don’t even know what I want. And- and you were gone so long I don’t know what I was meant to do and I still don’t, and I don’t know if it’s safe or normal or if it’ll die in delivery or- or-’

‘Jane,’ he murmured, and she felt him take her hand, tugging her towards him. ‘I am sorry. I should have returned sooner. I did not- I’m sorry.’

‘’s OK,’ she muttered. ‘I know you were busy. I just… I didn’t know what to do.’ She leaned into his shoulder again. She liked how warm he was, and how steady. Thor slipped an arm around her and brought her hand up to his lips to kiss her fingers gently. For a few moments they stood in silence. Eventually Thor spoke, his voice low and measured.

‘You are in no immediate danger,’ he said at last. ‘Nor is the child. Mortal women have born Asgardian children before, and both mother and child have been healthy.’

Jane gave another sniff and wiped her eyes, which suddenly felt tired. ‘Good,’ she said at last, which seemed like an utterly inadequate response to three months of fear suddenly being assuaged. Not, of course, that he’d calmed every doubt.

‘Do you want…?’ She trailed off. She’d started strong and definitely planned to ask him whether he wanted kids, but now she couldn’t get the words out. She stared fixedly at their still-joined hands.

‘Jane, if you are undecided about what you want, I would not wish my answer to put undue pressure on you.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she said, finding her voice suddenly and looking up at him. ‘Whether you want this makes a huge difference.’

He gave a slightly apologetic smile before moving his hand to her face, running his fingers through her hair and stroking her cheek. ‘I have long hoped that one day we might have a family together,’ he replied at last. ‘Although I confess I did not expect it to be so, ah... surprising.’

‘So… you want to… you want this?’ Jane asked uncertainly. 

‘If you desire this, then few things would make me happier,’ said Thor solemnly. ‘I should be deeply honoured to be the father of your child.’

Jane let out a small laugh at his sudden lapse into formality and leaned up on tiptoes to kiss his chin. She felt lighter, somehow. Everything would be all right.

‘I think… I think I want this baby,’ she said at last. She’d known that for a while, really, but it had been hard to be even remotely sure with Thor absent and without any certainty about what was happening.

Thor beamed. 

Jane sighed and tugged him down to kiss her. Suddenly everything felt like it was going to be all right.


	2. Two

Three weeks later, everything was _not_ going to be all right.

Thor had stayed on Earth. It turned out, having an alien baby was complicated. He’d summoned two Healers from Asgard who he’d promised would be discreet. Together, they and Helen, who had admitted she found this all very interesting and was happy to stay involved, pored over Jane’s medical data, collected new information, and read a lot of Asgardian textbooks. Apparently human-Asgardian babies weren’t common enough that they had up-to-date medical knowledge. Which Jane supposed made sense, but didn’t really make her feel better about being a science experiment.

Normally she wouldn’t mind. However, what had started as mild dizziness had become more severe, and she was having trouble sleeping, leaving her irritable. Thor was adorably attentive, but he was also irrepressibly delighted. Which was good. Except for when she was annoyed and wanted everyone else to be in a bad mood with her. Darcy pointed out she was lucky she didn’t have morning sickness. Jane had just snapped at her at that point.

Most of the Avengers had probably guessed by this point that something was up, due to the ever-present Asgardian Healers, but were polite enough not to mention it. Even Tony. Possibly because Tony had taken to giving her slightly fearful looks ever since he’d seen her crying. She didn’t really mind that: it stopped him from doing anything more annoying.

Her latest appointment with Helen and the Healers did not go well.

‘We’ve been doing some work on development time scales and growth rates,’ said Helen.

‘Yeah?’ said Jane, trying not to sound too impatient. 

‘Obviously a typical human pregnancy is forty-’

‘Helen,’ Jane interrupted with a scowl. Normally she liked scientific context but that day in particular she didn’t need to be told things she knew.

‘Mixed species children are slightly more unpredictable,’ said one of the Healers soothingly. ‘Aesir genetics tend to dominate those of, ah, mortal species within the child itself, but no two pregnancies are the same.’

‘Do you actually know how long it’s going to be?’ asked Jane impatiently.

‘Our models suggest somewhere between twenty-five and twenty-eight months,’ said Helen at last.

‘I’m going to kill him,’ said Jane.

The Asgardian Healers looked shocked.

~*~

Once Thor had been reminded that nine months was the usual time, he was appropriately apologetic. He made her a plate of waffles with fruit and chocolate sauce, and then gave her a back massage until she forgot she had even been annoyed at all. Slightly-over-two-years wasn’t that long, really. It could be worse, anyway. It helped that half way through the back massage, a bouquet of flowers he’d bought for her as a surprise arrived.

‘You’re, like, disgustingly precious,’ said Darcy as she brought them into the rooms. ‘I can’t make up my mind whether to coo or be sick.’

‘How about neither, and get me some more fruit?’ suggested Jane, pointing at her empty bowl and attempting puppy-dog eyes. Unlike Thor though, she’d never been much good at that.

Darcy snorted. ‘You’re not even showing yet and you’re already taking advantage.’

‘I just found out I’m going to be pregnant for more than two years.’

Darcy spluttered. ‘What the-? OK, that’s the actual worst. You win. I’ll get you some food.’

Later, Thor made dinner and refused her offer to help clear up. 

‘You really are going to make it easy for me to do nothing for the next two years,’ Jane pointed out lazily. She didn’t mind really. She just felt like good girlfriend behaviour would be helping out at least a little bit.

Thor shrugged. ‘You are currently doing far more work with your body than I ever will with mine,’ he said, which felt like an odd perspective from someone who could use an eighteen wheeler as a baseball bat, but Jane didn’t feel like fighting the point. ‘If I tire of cleaning or become too busy, I shall bring some staff from Asgard.’

He made them both some hot chocolate and settled onto the couch with her. She got the impression, from the way he hovered slightly before he sat, that he had something to say, so she waited.

‘Jane, there are matters which we have not discussed yet,’ he said at last.

‘Like?’ said Jane. She could think of a few, but clearly he’d got something he wanted to talk about.

‘Our child will be the heir to the throne of Asgard,’ he said.

‘Right,’ said Jane faintly. She hadn’t really let herself consider the Prince thing while she’d been too busy worrying about the Alien thing. ‘We’re not… married though.’

Thor frowned. ‘I do not see how that changes anything,’ he said.

‘Um, on Earth, the royal families have to be married for the heir to, um, count.’ 

‘Really?’ He looked baffled. ‘The child is no less mine because we have not wed.’

‘Right,’ said Jane again. ‘Anyway, so, heir to the throne. Um, that’s a… big responsibility.’ She wasn’t sure if she meant for herself or for the baby. Probably both.

‘Indeed,’ said Thor gravely. ‘There is much about how we bring our child up that we must discuss. They are a child of two worlds and that is always… complicated.’ He took her hand. ‘He or she will have to spend much time on Asgard,’ he said.

‘Earth too, though,’ said Jane. ‘Or my mom’ll kill me.’

Thor smiled. ‘Earth too,’ he echoed. ‘No child should be denied their true heritage.’ She thought maybe he was thinking of Loki and she squeezed his hand. ‘When we tell my father, we must make clear what we plan, for he will no doubt have opinions of his own.’

‘Seriously, we’ll just set my mom on him,’ said Jane. ‘Problem solved.’

He laughed. ‘I hope you understand though, that our child must have an Asgardian education.’

‘I’m sure we can fit an Earth one in there too,’ said Jane reasonably. ‘They need to know how to do math _and_ magic. And, you know, the difference between the Torah and the Bible.’

‘And the Poetic Edda,’ said Thor with a smirk, earning himself a poke.

‘Our kid is not growing up thinking you’re a god,’ said Jane. Thor pretended to pout. ‘But seriously though, how do you decide when to give a bar or bat mitzvah for a kid that ages differently?’

‘Ask a Rabbi?’ suggested Thor. ‘Based on those who I have met, they would enjoy the challenge of working it out.’

Jane grinned, remembering Thor had once vanished for an entire afternoon and returned saying he’d been talking about theology with a local Rabbi.

‘Luckily we have time to consider these things,’ said Thor. ‘But I wished to tell you that in the next few weeks I plan to bring to Midgard a lawyer to draw up a contract pertaining to our relationship and the child. I hope you will be available to attend a small number meetings to discuss this.’

‘Uh, yeah? I should be free at some point. Why do we need that?’ said Jane.

‘Because we are not married,’ he said simply. ‘If anything happens to either or both of us, the child’s legal status and inheritance should be confirmed, and so should our relationship.’

‘Oh,’ said Jane. ‘Makes sense. Fine, let me know when.’ She wrinkled her nose before nuzzling into Thor’s arm, not liking to think about it too much. He had a nice, distracting arm. And a nice, distracting torso, which she was not above moving onto if she couldn’t get her mind off things with his arm alone.

Thor - whether he read her mind, or didn’t want to think about it either, or was just conveniently horny - turned to her and ducked his head to kiss her.

~*~

“A lawyer” turned into two lawyers and some form of clerk or stenographer. 

It also turned into an eight-hour meeting to discuss the terms of the contract. An eight-hour meeting with superhumans who didn’t seem to need to pee or eat and also weren’t trying to build another being inside of themselves.

It didn’t take too long for Jane to get to the point where her eyes were drooping and she was just agreeing with any suggestion in the hopes that it would speed things up. At one point, four hours in, she realised suddenly that she’d just agreed that, should Thor predecease her, she’d inherit five properties on Asgard, one on Vanaheim, a gold mine, an actual university, the rents and taxes on three towns and all the farmland surrounding them, a dragon reserve, and several vaults of gold and precious gems. That did not include the money and properties he planned to leave to their baby. Nor did it include the one bequest that had made even the lawyers raise their eyebrows: a golden apple. 

Jane screwed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. ‘I need food,’ she said. ‘And a break.’ And a visit to the bathroom, but the Asgardian lawyers were way too stuffy for her to admit that.

After she’d gone to the toilet, she found Thor in the kitchen making sandwiches.

‘I have ordered in for the others,’ he said. ‘I thought you might prefer a break from their company.’

‘Thor,’ said Jane, ‘what am I going to do with a dragon reserve?’

‘Nothing I hope,’ said Thor, ‘as I plan to live.’

‘Yes, but, like, _why_?’

‘It is a stable investment,’ he said mildly. ‘Dragons shed their skin, and the scales are used in protective clothing and items and are very valuable. It is just very difficult for smaller enterprises to have any success, as dragons require vast space to thrive and reproduce.’

‘ _Really_?’ said Jane. She rubbed her eyes. She wasn’t sure how this was her life.

She heard a soft laugh from Thor and she eyed him suspiciously. ‘It is all true,’ he assured her. ‘I have one of the biggest in Asgard. I should like to take you there, one day.’

‘That’s- that’s great,’ she said. Because it was. She just couldn’t help the fact that she was still balking at this whole arrangement. ‘Thor, do I really need that… _much_? It seems like half of Asgard. And… and the apple too. You know I still don’t know if I want...’

She glanced up to find him regarding her seriously. ‘I confess that I am not being ungenerous,’ he said, ‘but I am imagining a situation where you are raising the heir to the throne without me, and without any formal status other than motherhood. I would give you every advantage that I can. That includes the choice to live for as long as you wish.’

‘Ugh,’ Jane grumbled. ‘Would it be easier if we just got married?’

‘Perhaps,’ he said, ‘but in that scenario you would be entitled to far more of my properties and money.’ He smiled brightly at her and kissed the tip of her nose. ‘Although the contract would probably take less time to draw up.’

Jane snorted and took one of the sandwiches he’d made. ‘For less lawyers, I’d definitely consider it,’ she muttered. Thor beamed at her as if she’d just said something romantic. He looked so endearing it didn’t take long until she was smiling back. ‘We probably will, at some point, won’t we?’ she said at last. ‘Get married, I mean.’ That was about as romantic as she could manage, mid-way through a sandwich, with a sudden feeling that heartburn was imminent, and the knowledge that she had another few hours of legalese to sit through.

Thor’s smile stretched even further and he leaned forward to kiss her hand. ‘I very much hope so,’ he said.

Jane decided to ignore the rest of the sandwich and kiss her boyfriend for a bit. It was nicely distracting from golden apples and what passed for a stable investment on Asgard. She could always take the sandwich into the meeting, after all, whereas she probably couldn’t make out with Thor in front of the lawyers.

~*~

Later, at last, the lawyers went away to actually write up the agreement. Once they were done, Thor told Jane, they would return to formally read and sign the document. That would require another long meeting and two high-ranking witnesses each. He had requested the company of Sif and Fandral, who he admitted would dislike sitting through a long meeting as much as she did. Jane, deciding her meeting the King of Sweden that one time didn’t exactly make them friends, and unsure any of her actual friends qualified as ‘high-ranking’, decided to bite the bullet and tell the Avengers.

She waited until they were having one of their shared dinners (barbeque, cooked by Thor and Natasha) because it was efficient.

When Steve offered her a beer, she said: ‘No thanks, I’m pregnant.’ It got the job done. 

There were a few moments of silence before she had to endure congratulations from everyone, which she found slightly awkward. Maybe it would have been easier to group-email. Thor (who she had warned about this) was beaming. Of course. Jane also tried to ignore Tony handing some banknotes to Natasha in the background and focus on everyone asking her questions about when it was due and other baby stuff.

Later, she sought out Pepper and Rhodey, who were relaxed on some chairs, chatting with Tony.

‘Er, can I ask a favour?’ she said.

‘Sure,’ said Tony. ‘My going rate varies depending on what it is, though.’

‘Not you,’ she said. ‘Pepper and Rhodey.’ Pepper raised an eyebrow quizzically. ‘Thor and I are getting this contract thing signed - about inheritance and all that - and I need a couple of “high-ranking” witnesses for my signing it.’

‘So that’s us?’ said Rhodey, with a slight grin in Tony’s direction.

‘Well you’re a Colonel,’ said Jane. ‘Asgardians respect military positions. And Pepper runs half the planet with Stark Industries.’ 

‘I feel unfairly excluded,’ said Tony.

‘You’re just a rich guy,’ said Jane, not unreasonably she felt. ‘You don’t have any formal status.’

‘I’m a _superhero_ ,’ argued Tony. Pepper looked at him. ‘An _ex_ -superhero,’ he quickly corrected.

Rhodey just grinned. ‘I’ll take “high-ranking”,’ he said. ‘Since I’m not an ex- anything. If you can find some time when I’m available, I’ll definitely do it.’

‘Whatever,’ said Tony. ‘I bet it’ll suck.’

~*~

It did suck, since it was another multiple-hour meeting with lawyers. But Thor took Sif, Fandral, Pepper and Rhodey (and Jane) out to a ridiculously expensive restaurant to say thanks, and Rhodey and Pepper agreed it was totally worth it for the selfies they could send Tony (‘Hashtag _high-ranking_ ,’ Thor suggested, deadpan).


	3. Three

It took until Jane was eleven months pregnant before her bump started to show. Her jeans had already been feeling tight but she hadn’t specifically noticed the difference to look at. Thor, however, had had to go back to Asgard for a few weeks ( _again,_ she tried not to grumble). When he returned, his eyes most definitely dropped to her stomach. She might have been more insulted if he weren’t so thrilled and hadn’t dragged her straight to bed.

Later, lying in bed, with his large, warm hand resting across the curve of her belly, Jane reflected on what they hadn’t yet done.

‘You know,’ she said, ‘we probably need to tell our families. I can only wear baggy shirts in front of the paparazzi for so long.’

Thor buried his face in her collarbone and seemed to be pretending he hadn’t heard her. 

‘Fine,’ said Jane. ‘If you want to surprise your dad that’s your prerogative. We’re definitely going to go see my mom before she finds out from _People_ magazine or something.’

~*~

Jane called her mom the next day and learned she was in Hong Kong on business and had been for two weeks.

‘I am a bad daughter,’ she told Darcy once she’d hung up.

‘You’re eleven months pregnant and your mom doesn’t know and you’ve just _now_ figured that out?’ said Darcy.

‘It’s not even half way through,’ grumbled Jane, prodding her stomach with a mild glare. ‘It’s not like I’m in a rush.’

‘So when are you going to tell her?’

‘She’s going go be back in London in three weeks,’ said Jane. ‘I said I’d visit, and I’d bring Thor, assuming he’s on Earth. Then I can tell her about the baby and she can tell the rest of the family. Job done. I’ve just gotta wear baggy shirts until then when I’m going out.’

~*~

‘Jane, love?’

Jane looked up from the paper she was reviewing across the table to Thor. Something in the way his eyes crinkled with slight amusement implied it was not the first time he’d said her name.

‘Uh, yeah?’ she said, finding her words. They were in a coffee shop in London, a few days before her mom was due to arrive back from Hong Kong. Another quick glance down at her laptop screen told her it had been forty-five minutes since she’d looked up. There was an empty plate and cup beside her, but neither jogged any memories of actually eating or drinking. It was an interesting paper, after all.

‘I must apologise for the interruption,’ said Thor. ‘I thought you would wish to know: I am afraid to report our activities yesterday were photographed and and these images have made their way onto the internet.’

‘“Activities”?’ she asked. That could mean anything from attending a university lecture to having loud enough sex that Jane was glad Darcy had reacquainted herself with Ian-the-Intern. Thor’s tone hadn’t given much away.

‘The visit to the park,’ he clarified, much to her relief. That was definitely at the milder end of the “Activity” scale. 

‘Could be worse,’ she said, with a nose wrinkle. They weren’t exactly living in secret. When they first arrived in the coffee shop, Thor had signed autographs and taken selfies with people for about ten minutes. Despite the somewhat waning popularity of the Avengers in a lot of places, they still had fans, and amongst those fans Thor was still well-liked (as was Captain America). Chiefly because nobody believed either of them could have had anything to do with Ultron.

‘The article copy is… unpleasant,’ said Thor after a moment. He hesitated. ‘I confess I am not entirely familiar with the colloquialisms used but the implication is clear. I- you may not wish to see it, but I thought you should be warned.’

‘The “colloquialisms”?’ said Jane.

If she’d thought Thor was awkward before, that was nothing on the way he shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. ‘I, ah… _letting herself go_ ,’ he said at last.

Jane felt her face tighten and she held out a hand for his tablet. Reluctantly, he passed it to her.

The particular photo used was not Jane at her best. They’d just bought ice cream from a truck in the park. Thor looked like a model, because he always did, in perfectly tailored clothes with immaculate hair. Jane had been hot and grumpy and tired and had a sudden attack of heartburn and she looked exactly as irritable as she’d felt. Thor had briefly put an arm around her to give her a squeeze. The action of that had pulled her baggy (scruffy) shirt awkwardly and, well, she looked like she’d put on weight. Which she had. Because she was pregnant. But the internet hadn’t figured that out and the site was instead suggesting diet plans, and talking about how it was hard to keep weight off in your thirties. And some helpful comments about how the writers would never dream of taking Thor for granted if _they_ were dating him.

Jane narrowed her eyes. The uncomfortable twist of embarrassment and revulsion and, even if she tried to pretend otherwise, _hurt_ at seeing things about herself in the media was familiar by now but still difficult to deal with. Comments about physics she could cope with. That was her field and she’d been fighting in it for a long time. Comments about herself… she’d never been prepared for this much fame. Especially not for a reason other than her work.

‘I- god, it’s so gross,’ she said at last, pushing the tablet back into Thor’s hands. His frown had not abated.

‘I am only sorry that my position has brought you this notoriety,’ he said quietly. She could hear the suppressed anger in his voice and part of her wanted to tell him to go and punch some people for her. Then he hesitated again. ‘I- I hope you know I think you’re the most beautiful woman in all the Nine Realms.’

‘Yes, I know, it’s not the point,’ said Jane. Then, because her brain caught up to the fact that he’d just said something nice: ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean- thank you. I do appreciate- I mean, I think you’re… oh fuck.’ Her voice was still coming out overly aggressive because she couldn’t let it wobble.

Thor laughed softly and reached across the table to take her hand. ‘I am most glad you know,’ he said.

‘Shut up,’ said Jane. ‘Ugh, sorry, I’m so mad. These assholes. I mean, it’s not even what they think because obviously it’s stupid and even if I did put on some weight it’d be no big deal. It’s just that sometimes… it’s hard to ignore it all. And I know if I were a man who was famous for physics they’d just comment on my _work_ and not judge me for eating a flipping ice cream.’

Thor, regarding her seriously, nodded slowly. ‘Societies such as this are not kind to women, especially those who achieve so much.’

She squeezed his hand and managed a smile, because he actually _listened_ , unlike some of her stupid ex boyfriends who were totally exes for a reason. ‘Mostly I’m good at ignoring it,’ she said. ‘I mean, I have to be.’

‘No one can ignore all insult,’ replied Thor. ‘Besides, you should not have to.’

‘No I shouldn’t,’ she grumbled. ‘I hate the internet.’ She flagged down a passing waitress. ‘Can I get some cake, please?’ She wasn’t hungry, but she was pretty sure the baby would be crying out for food long before dinner. And she had just decided that if the internet was going to judge her eating habits she would give them something worth judging.

‘Sure thing,’ said the waitress. ‘What type?’

‘Chocolate,’ said Jane.

‘Is that one slice, or two?’ The waitress’s question took in Thor.

‘All of it,’ said Jane. ‘I would like an entire cake, please.’ The waitress blinked. Across the table Thor coughed suddenly and brought a napkin to his mouth to hide what was clearly laughter. 

After clarifying that yes, she did mean she really wanted a twelve inch diameter chocolate cake to herself, and yes, she was aware that at £3.60 a slice, twenty-four slices came to more than eighty pounds, and that no, her boyfriend definitely did not want a plate to share it (at which Thor pouted), the baffled looking waitress left them. 

She returned after a few minutes, still looking baffled, with a cake that took up most of the table space even after Jane put her laptop away. Thor by this point had given up hiding his amusement and was grinning outright. Jane even smiled for a photo that he took before getting started on her cake, not even grumbling that he was likely putting it on Instagram.

She ate three and a half slices before she literally couldn’t manage another. Her baby might be an Asgardian, but it didn’t have Thor’s appetite (yet).

‘I’m going to die,’ she managed, trying to eat another bite and giving up.

‘You fought bravely,’ said Thor. ‘I must now take up the battle and vanquish your foe where you have been forced to surrender.’ He leaned over to help himself, not looking remotely upset at the prospect of eating the vast majority of a twelve-inch chocolate cake.

‘Ugh. No moving for a while,’ muttered Jane, leaning back in her chair and trying to see if she could discreetly loosen her pants. She wondered if she was going to be sick. She hoped not. This was possibly not her most practical idea.

Thor made an agreeing noise through the slice he was already half way through. Watching him obliterate food was often fascinating, but at that moment it was just making Jane nauseous and she shut her eyes and tried to think about physics and not cake.

Ten minutes later, Darcy showed up. Jane hadn’t moved, but she balefully cracked an eye open at Darcy’s greeting.

‘I thought you were hooking up with Ian?’ she said.

‘Jeez, Jane, I know you’ve forgotten what human men are like but we can’t do that _all_ day,’ said Darcy. ‘He was showing me his Battlestar Galactica DVDs - not a euphemism - and I got a google alert for my favourite science boss. And I saw there was chocolate cake. Or in the words of the internet “ _Watch your fave Avengers power couple demolish this huge cake_ ”.’ She pulled up a chair and helped herself to a slice. ‘Glad to see you’re not done demolishing it yet though. I’m starved. Intern still lives off gross frozen food.’

Jane eyed the remainder of the cake and realised Thor had eaten a respectable five slices in ten minutes. She looked at him. He grinned at her. There was icing on his mouth that was clearly only seconds from falling onto his beard. This was probably the only time he did not look completely perfect so she just laughed. She no longer felt like she was going to be sick right that second - merely that she couldn’t move ever again.

‘I assume this is a middle finger up to that gross-ass blog post from yesterday?’ said Darcy.

Jane shrugged. ‘It was either that or send them a tweet telling them to roll up their magazine and shove it up their apparently-perfect-because-they-never-eat-ice-cream asses.’

‘I think that is too long to be a tweet,’ said Thor gravely.

‘Plus they’re not a printed magazine, they’re a blog,’ said Darcy.

‘I knew that,’ lied Jane. ‘Hence: cake. And now me trying not to die and regretting my decisions.’

‘No regrets to be had!’ said Darcy. ‘Cake is always a good idea. Especially when faced with judgey blog posts. There are like, young girls reading that shit and thinking they’ll never be pretty because they’re a whopping size four and they sometimes eat dessert. So gross.’

Jane, while inclined to agree, didn’t want to think about it any more. Instead she shut her eyes again, hands resting gently on the arms of the chair, hoping her baby liked chocolate cake. Given herself and Thor (who a quick peek told her was starting slice seven), it seemed like a fairly safe bet.

‘Oh!’ She jumped and sat up straight. ‘Oh, I think I felt-’ She moved her hands to her stomach. ‘Thor! I think- She’s moving!’

Thor, who had dropped his slice when Jane had first spoke, stood up so quickly his chair skittered out violently behind him. He circled the table near instantaneously and dropped to one knee beside Jane, placing a hand next to hers. For a moment, there was nothing. Then Jane felt another bizarre internal movement and a slow smile spread across Thor’s face to become a fully-fledged delighted beam.

‘She?’ he said at last.

‘I… I don’t know why I said that.’

‘Sometimes children are known to speak with their mothers from very early,’ he said quietly. ‘It means her magic might be of the mind.’

‘Oh,’ said Jane again. Thor, hand warm on her, was still smiling and she returned it, grinning broadly. ‘OK. Wow. Moving. And a girl. With magic. Wow.’

‘Not to ruin this because it’s adorable, but pretty confident the internet is going to figure this one out,’ said Darcy.

‘I don’t care,’ said Jane, and she didn’t. She leaned in and kissed Thor. He was still smiling at her even when she pulled back. ‘Darcy, do you want to…?’ She gestured vaguely at her stomach, and then suddenly wondered if it was a weird thing to offer. ‘I don’t know, people do. But I won’t be offended if you don’t want to.’

‘Do I want to feel up your belly and poke your baby?’ said Darcy. ‘Damn right I do.’ She scooted her chair over and added her hands. Since Thor didn’t appear to be moving his, Jane was quickly running out of stomach real-estate. ‘ _Weird_ ,’ said Darcy when she felt the kick. ‘Jane, your alien parasite is _moving_.’ Jane snickered, even as Thor frowned. ‘I think this makes me Sigourney Weaver,’ added Darcy.

‘I have seen that film,’ said Thor, ‘and I do not feel the comparison is entirely apt.’

‘Definitely,’ agreed Jane. ‘That alien exits from higher up.’

~*~

Her mom called that evening.

She and Thor were lying on the couch. Jane had well and truly crashed after all the sugar and the only reason she wasn’t in bed was because that would involve going up some stairs and she didn’t feel like that. Instead she was lounging on Thor, who was arguing with people on the internet. He’d posted some selfies of himself and the cake (and then of him and an empty plate) and tagged it ‘ _#lettingmyselfgo_ ’ and ‘ _#packingonthepounds_ ’ and was now fighting with anyone who either disagreed or didn’t understand the point he was making. It was very sweet. 

He’d also, in light of their very obvious display in the cafe, uploaded a photo of them both to confirm the pregnancy with slightly more embarrassingly soppy hashtags. Jane had agreed there was no point in pretending otherwise at that point, so she’d spent half the evening with her eye on the clock, waiting until it was a reasonable time to phone her mom. 

Her mom’s phone call was still a surprise.

‘Hi,’ she said. ‘Isn’t it five am there?’

‘Yes, Jane,’ said her mom, who sounded like she was trying very hard to be patient and failing. It was not a good sign. ‘The reason I’m awake at five in the morning is because I’ve received five calls and nine texts congratulating me on my future grandchild.’

‘Right,’ said Jane. ‘Er… congrats on your future grandchild?’

‘Funny,’ said her mother. Jane thought she could hear the eyeroll.

‘Sorry,’ said Jane, cringing slightly. ‘I didn’t want you to find out like… this. I was going to tell you when you got here. But, well, she moved! And it was nice. And weird. But mostly nice.’

Her mom laughed at that, at least. ‘Pregnancy is weird,’ she said. ‘How many weeks are you?’

‘Uh…’ Jane did some mental arithmetic. ‘About… fifty-one.’

‘ _Jane_!’

‘I mean, in my defence, I’m not even half way through yet.’

‘Oh my god.’

‘And it took until I was six months through to even decide I was keeping it, because Thor was on Asgard.’ Thor gave her a sulky look, but she was totally fine with throwing him slightly under the bus in the name of family harmony.

‘But you are keeping it? Are you _alright_? Are you sure the baby is? How is this even biologically possible?’

‘I’m fine,’ said Jane. ‘We’re fine. I’ve got Asgardian Healers who specialise in pregnancy and Dr Cho keeping an eye on me. And apparently our species are just compatible enough for accidents.’

‘Accidents? Dear lord, Jane, I thought we made sure your school had a good sex-ed program.’

‘Hilarious, Mom,’ said Jane. ‘I must have skipped that grade.’

Her mom laughed again, at least. ‘I’m just sorry your dad is missing this, Janey. He’d have been thrilled.’

‘Not least because it definitely confirms the existence of intelligent extraterrestrials,’ said Jane.

‘He’d be pleased about a _grandchild_ ,’ said her mom. A beat. ‘But also the alien thing. Although you two have been dating for long enough now maybe he’d have been used to it.’ Jane, who was still not completely used to it herself, doubted that. ‘Are you two thinking of getting married, now you’re having a baby?’

‘Urgh _Mom_ ,’ complained Jane, not wanting to have that conversation. ‘Have a chat with Thor. He wants to talk to you.’

Thor blinked as she thrust the phone at him, but recovered nearly immediately and greeted her mother warmly, making fulsome apologies for how she found out about the pregnancy and expressing his delight for her returning in a couple of days. With anyone else, it would be fake, but it was Thor, so he really was adorably thrilled to chat to her mom.

Jane rested her head on his shoulder, shut her eyes, and aimed for sleep. With any luck, he’d carry her up to bed when he was done on the phone and she wouldn’t have to do any walking.

~*~

The result of the entire world learning Jane was pregnant was Thor deciding they should probably tell his dad. Jane, keen as she was to return to Asgard on the one hand, felt slightly sick with nerves at the thought of Thor’s father’s reaction on the other. She kept nearly bottling it and telling Thor he should go alone. But her pride won out: this was her baby too, and if Odin didn’t like it he would have to learn to deal with it.

The night before, she barely slept. Her brain wouldn’t switch off imagining worst case scenarios, like Thor being banished to the opposite side of the galaxy or Odin locking her up and insisting on having the heir born on Asgard. The bump suddenly seemed ten times bigger and made finding a comfortable way to lie uncomfortable. And the room was too warm and so was Thor, snoring quietly beside her. In the end, she snuck out of bed, made herself a fruit tea, and settled on the sofa to watch _The Twilight Zone_ reruns. Eventually, she slept, although not enough, and when she woke her neck was aching.

Thor made breakfast and seemed worried about her vanishing in the middle of the night. His concern suddenly felt overbearing and unwanted, so Jane bolted down her food and then hurried off to find some clothes. She left him alone to finish breakfast and do the washing up.

He found her, half an hour later, with the dress she’d brought back from Asgard hanging off her shoulders unfastened, because even if she could have reached the fastenings, the damn thing didn’t fit any more. She’d picked up a pillow and was hugging it and trying to calculate Schwarzschild radii of some nearby masses in her head to give herself something to concentrate on. 

‘Jane,’ he murmured softly, sitting beside her on the bed.

‘Sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘I’m just not having the best day. I’m tired and I’m fat and I’m hot and none of my clothes are comfy or nice.’

‘You do not have to worry about my father,’ said Thor, hitting the heart of the matter at once.

‘He called me a goat and locked me a in a room,’ Jane pointed out, face still muffled by the pillow she was hugging.

‘And then he allowed me to remain on Midgard with you,’ said Thor, calm voice unwavering. ‘I am sure he will have… opinions, and I am equally sure that he will say at least one thing we both dislike. But Asgard recognises pregnancy to be the domain of the one carrying the child, so he will not force you to do anything.’ Jane made a vague grumbling noise. ‘You- you do not have to come if you do not wish?’ suggested Thor hesitantly. ‘He is my father, not yours. I would not force his company on you.’

‘Of course I’m coming,’ snapped Jane, then regretted her tone. ‘Sorry, but he’s about to be the granddad of my baby. He needs to deal with me. We might be living on Earth for the pregnancy, but when Jane Junior gets older, we’re going to be spending a lot of time there and he’s just gonna have to accept me being there.’

Thor smiled gently. ‘He will,’ he said. ‘In time he will grow to realise how wonderful you are.’ Before she could express skepticism at that, his hands slide across her bare shoulders and push the stupid ill-fitting dress down her arms. She sighed almost involuntarily as he leaned around and dropped a kiss between her shoulder-blades. ‘Come, though, let us find you something more comfortable to wear.’

She let him undress her and coax her into a cool shower with him. Then he sent a message to her ever-present Healers asking them to get some clothes for her. Jane thought that was probably a step outside their remit but Thor seemed unconcerned, explaining (as he combed and styled her hair into a thick single braid with some impressively elaborate twists in it) that Embla, the younger of the two, was still an apprentice and would be used to doing all manner of tasks for her patients.

By the time Embla appeared with a delicate package wrapped in silk and soft paper (she’d been back to Asgard, it turned out), Jane was feeling almost human. The dress, which was of a cool, silky fabric that slipped easily through Jane’s fingers, was cream with delicate golden embroidery. It was beautiful, but more important than that, it was too big, which made it a bit like wearing an elaborate nightie and just as comfortable. It was exactly what Jane needed, even though she had to use a safety pin to keep it from falling from her shoulders. She beamed at Embla and thanked her profusely.

‘Ready?’ asked Thor, once she was dressed. 

Jane took a deep breath and nodded.

~*~

The Bifrost was still amazing fun. Part of Jane could just forget about everything else and marvel that she was _travelling_ through an actual _Einstein-Rosen bridge_. And not only that, but it was a bit like travelling on a sparkly roller-coaster. 

Asgard too seemed unchanged, at least on the surface. Heimdall still greeted them with a far-too-knowing smile. The palace still dominated the city, golden towers rising above all else, looking taller even than the distant mountains. The bridge beneath their feet still glimmered in the light from the realm’s companion star and Jane wondered, yet again, about the moons which hung the sky, visible even in daylight. And, as before, they passed through the palace and received politely covered surprise and respectful greetings. Jane felt herself hunching over slightly to hide the bump in the skirts of the dress. 

Odin was not in the throne room, but in one of the smaller ante-chambers to it, speaking to a group of advisors. Jane recognised Tyr, who didn’t look entirely thrilled when he caught sight of her. She didn’t think that was completely fair: it had been Sif who’d beat up all his men, after all. Odin then followed Tyr’s look and caught sight of them too, and an inscrutable expression crossed his face. Jane straightened and rested her hand on her stomach, holding his gaze. The movement made her bump suddenly very obvious, and Odin’s eyes dropped ever so slightly. Jane forced herself to stay still, daring him to say anything there and then. Instead, he dismissed his advisors very speedily. 

‘Father, it is good to see you.’ Thor strode forward towards his father, and Jane followed his lead.

‘I suppose your visit here means you plan to keep the child,’ said Odin. As first lines went, it was not inspiring. It certainly stopped Thor in his tracks, and left a clear distance between father and son. Thor’s smile of greeting became a crestfallen frown before he managed to hide his feelings behind his diplomatic face. Jane clenched her fists, wanting to take his hand.

‘We do,’ said Thor stiffly. ‘We very much looking forward to becoming parents.’

‘I trust you have verified the child is your true heir?’

‘ _Excuse me_?’ snapped Jane. She thought she heard some distant thunder. Next to her, Thor had tensed.

Odin turned a bland, uninterested gaze upon her. ‘If the child is to be the heir to the throne of Asgard then-’

‘Then you can damn well trust me,’ interrupted Jane, blood boiling. If he said _one more thing_...

‘The child is my own,’ said Thor through gritted teeth. His fists were now clenched too. Jane told herself she didn’t want him to punch his own dad, but she actually sort of did.

For a second Jane could have sworn Odin looked _amused_ , but that was ridiculous. His face remained impassive. ‘What then, is your plan? Will you have this child take the throne you have refused?’

‘We will return to Midgard,’ said Thor, face tight. ‘Jane wishes to give birth with her family and friends close by. I will be acquiring any specialised medical equipment the Healers require. As to the future, I do not know. Perhaps the throne is still my destiny. Perhaps it is my daughter’s. I would like-’ And here he sucked in a breath before letting it out slowly. When he spoke again he’d forced his voice to be smoother, less irritated. Jane still sort of wanted him to punch Odin through a wall but she supposed one of them had to be the adult. ‘I would like time to be a father and not a prince or a king.’

‘You wish the situation to remain as it is, you mean,’ said Odin.

‘For now,’ said Thor. ‘I will not ignore my responsibilities but- Mother told us how you wished you’d had more time to spend with us, when we were boys. I do not want to live with that regret.’

Jane found herself holding her breath. Thor talked a little of his family - of Loki and his mom - to her, and she knew it was not something he found easy. 

Odin’s face remained closed off. ‘Very well,’ he said at last. ‘I see no reason to force the throne upon you, especially not when it seems you have work to do on Midgard and elsewhere. I trust your hunt for the Infinity Stones is not entirely forgotten due to your domestic arrangements?’

‘It is not,’ said Thor, even as Jane bristled at the implication. ‘In truth the galaxy has grown quiet. I fear this may be the calm before the storm.’

Odin nodded briskly. ‘We must be prepared,’ he said.

‘As must the people of Midgard,’ said Thor.

‘A child will not make that easy.’

‘War is never easy,’ said Thor. He shot a tiny smile at Jane all the same, perhaps sensing she was one rude comment from letting loose on his dad. ‘But for my family I will do what I must.’

‘When do you plan to wed?’ asked Odin.

Jane choked. ‘What the f-?’ She forced herself to break off, not quite sure how the Alltongue would translate swearing or whether that was appropriate on Asgard. Thor almost never did, after all. 

Odin turned to regard her once more. ‘You would have the child of the heir to the throne of Asgard,’ he said. ‘For the stability of that throne a marriage would be... preferable.’

Thor had stiffened again, but she’d seen his eyes widen in surprise at Odin’s words. ‘We are discussing the matter,’ he said.

‘Don’t worry,’ said Jane. ‘We’ll probably invite you. Having our kid’s grandfather there would be _preferable_.’

Thor’s lip twitched, and for a second she could have sworn Odin’s did too.

~*~

‘Thor!’

‘Sif!’ Thor spun in his tracks, grinning. They were in the lower levels of the palace, on their way home. Jane’s feet were aching already and she shifted from foot to foot trying not to look impatient. The encounter with her prospective father-in-law had not improved her day. Thor looked so pleased to see Sif though that she did her best to plaster on a smile.

‘Jane Foster,’ said Sif, giving her a short bow. ‘You look well. I hope your child does not give you too much trouble?’

‘Only the usual, I’m sure,’ said Jane, suspecting Sif didn’t want a grumpy recitation of difficulty sleeping and heartburn and occasional nausea (although she’d been lucky enough to avoid bad morning sickness).

Sif nodded. ‘I confess I do not envy you,’ she said. ‘I trust your prince doesn’t fail in his duties to you?’

‘Um, no?’ said Jane, not quite sure how to respond.

‘Naturally I do not,’ groused Thor. ‘And since when am I _her prince_?’

Sif sent him a small smile. Then she nodded behind them. ‘You have been to deliver the news to your father?’ She must have seen something in both their faces because she inhaled slightly. ‘What is it?’

‘His behaviour was unacceptable, even with his concerns about the wisdom of our partnership,’ said Thor shortly. Sif frowned but Thor didn’t seem inclined to elaborate. 

‘He said Thor should get a paternity test, just to be sure,’ said Jane tightly. 

Sif’s eyes widened. 

‘Then but five minutes later he all but ordered us to wed,’ continued Thor. ‘I cannot understand it. I’ve thought for a while now he seems not himself, but whenever I return he does everything short of banish me again to avoid me.’

‘He still grieves your mother,’ said Sif quietly. ‘You are not the only one to see changes in him. He isolates himself. But he continues to rule, and for most of the Realms that is enough.’

‘I do not know what to do,’ admitted Thor.

‘Spend some more time here?’ suggested Jane, loathe as she was to suggest it.

‘The Warriors and I will watch him,’ said Sif. ‘We will call upon you if we think you are needed.’

‘You have my thanks, Lady Sif’ said Thor. ‘Although perhaps Jane is right. Perhaps I neglect this side of my life.’

‘Speaking frankly,’ said Sif, ‘if the Allfather does not wish for your company, you will have trouble seeking it out.’

Jane took Thor’s arm and gave it a squeeze. ‘You guys’ll figure it out,’ she said, trying to sound comforting. ‘It takes time. And maybe he does just need space. Some people do.’ She thought of her own family, shattered by her father’s death and still awkwardly rebuilding in some places. ‘You’ll be OK. He still loves you.’

‘Will you two come, take a drink?’ suggested Sif, to break the silence. ‘I was to meet the Warriors Three just outside the palace.’

Thor glanced at Jane, perhaps guessing she’d want to get back, and that the thought of going into a smokey, booze-smelling room crammed with drunks didn’t appeal. Jane mentally promised herself a reward of silent star gazing and ice cream and a fourteen hour nap before smiling at Sif. 

‘As long as I can get somewhere to sit and some food that’d be great,’ she said. Thor perked up a little at her answer, and that made it all feel worth it.


	4. Four

‘Dr Foster?’ Jane looked up from her laptop and to inspect the source of the unwelcome interruption. It was a young woman - mid twenties, perhaps - but though she carried a fairly large bag she didn’t look like a student. Too well polished.

‘That’s me,’ Jane reluctantly admitted. Darcy shot her a _you’re-going-to-regret-this_ look.

‘My name’s Carla Valentine, I’m a reporter with the Tribune. I was hoping I could have a few minutes of your time?’

Jane avoided looking at Darcy because she was pretty sure she was now on the receiving end of an _I-told-you-so_ look. In the seven months since the world had become aware she was pregnant with Thor’s baby, she’d not only ballooned in size - making her wonder how the hell she would even navigate the next six-plus months of pregnancy - but she’d also had to get used to an incredibly excessive interest in her personal life.

‘I do scientific outreach interviews,’ she said. ‘I’d be glad to answer a few questions about my work. But I don’t talk about my relationship or my family.’

Carla didn’t look fazed and pulled a chair from another table. They were in a cafe just outside the Culver U campus where Jane was working on a paper with a friend of hers who was due to arrive shortly. Thor was with the Avengers and she found herself vaguely wishing for his presence. He could be very intimidating or very distracting if he didn’t like journalists’ questions. She couldn’t really be either. She mostly just scowled and came across as bad-tempered, and that day she was wearing an _Alien_ chestburster maternity t shirt (a gift from Darcy) over a long Asgardian silk skirt, a comfortable but unflattering combination which she could do without snarky media commentary about.

‘You can surely see why people might be interested in your pregnancy, though?’ said Carla. ‘From a purely scientific point of view: reproductive compatibility with an extraterrestrial species could have phenomenal implications for fertility research.’

Jane eyed Carla suspiciously while Darcy snickered. ‘I can understand it,’ she said at last, because from that point of view she could. ‘But pregnancy is enough bother without the media speculating about my stretch marks. Which is not a very useful scientific enquiry anyway.’

‘Well no, but I’m sure a lot of women would like to know that the woman who snagged Thor also has stretch marks.’

At that, Darcy outright snorted, and then muttered an apology into her coffee. She piped up with, ‘I mean, it’s true. My standards have gotten way higher. I’m not settling for less than Captain America.’

Jane glared at Darcy.

‘Look,’ she said, turning to Carla, ‘I’m pregnant. It’s half alien. It gives me heartburn and stops me sleeping and has made me someone who eats jalapenos like they’re grapes just like a whole bunch of human pregnancies do. If anything useful comes of it scientifically, someone I know has first dibs on the case study and resulting paper. There’s just not a lot to talk about.’

‘Are you looking forward to being a mother?’

‘I’m looking forward to Thor doing some of the carrying of this,’ she said, gesturing at her bump. 

Darcy motioned for her to stop. She suspected that was a good idea. She really did not have a great media presence when she wasn’t talking about physics. Tony thought it was hilarious. Pepper and Thor had both tried to teach her to do better. She had defeated them, as Thor had melodramatically put it.

‘What are your thoughts on the planned church protest at Stark Tower?’ asked Carla then.

Jane blinked and turned to Darcy, who shrugged and started typing into her laptop before suddenly laughing.

‘Woah, woah, Jane, this is _hilarious_ ,’ said Darcy. ‘Some nutjob church group are protesting because you and Thor making a baby is _unnatural_ and _against God_. This is literally the funniest thing I’ve read all week.’

‘Are you kidding me?’ said Jane, leaning over and scrolling through the article. ‘I thought Thor and I would be pretty acceptable. Even my grandma is OK with us, and we’re not even married.’

‘Maybe the gay community will thank you for the day off,’ said Darcy. She read a bit more. ‘No, wait, this gets even better! Jane, get this, oh my god: one of the leaders of this church has said in the past that bad weather and hurricanes and shit are God’s punishment for people’s sins. I am sending this to Thor right now. This is amazing.’

‘Well,’ said Jane, turning back to Carla. ‘I strongly suspect that, er, “God” is going to pass judgement or whatever and make sure their protest gets rained off. Or hailed.’

‘Or a snowstorm,’ said Darcy hopefully. ‘We could go back to Stark Tower and build a snowman! I’ll suggest it to him…’

Carla grinned when Jane caught her eye, and Jane felt herself smiling slightly in return. 

‘Of course, theologically speaking you don’t consider him an actual god, do you?’ continued Carla.

‘No,’ said Jane. ‘He’s a long-lived alien with super-powers. Even he doesn’t call himself a god these days. Mostly because he knows the rest of us would never let him forget it.’

‘What do you think of the modern-day Asatru Pagans who either claim him as a deity or renounce him as a fraud?’

Jane was saved from the high likelihood of offending multiple religious groups by the arrival of Dr Kashvi Chopra, her collaborator, who greeted her and Darcy effusively. Carla endeared herself a little more to Jane by asking a few questions about their actual project and then moving out of the way to sit in the far corner and type on her laptop.

‘I’ve had worse interviews, I think,’ said Jane.

‘You know the news tomorrow is going to have a field day with you aggressively grumbling about pregnancy, right?’ said Darcy.

‘Oh dear,’ said Kashvi. ‘If I’d known, I’d’ve arrived sooner.’

‘You were always so cheerful and… _glowing_ when you were pregnant,’ muttered Jane darkly. ‘I don’t know how.’

‘My husband is five foot five,’ said Kashvi. ‘And my little one was under six pounds at birth.’

‘Ugh,’ said Jane. ‘I’m pretty sure mine is already about twenty pounds.’ 

They flagged down a waitress. Kashvi ordered a coffee and Jane got a decaf, plus another sandwich and some cheesey fries with chilli peppers on the side. 

‘Did you get the data I sent?’ asked Jane then.

‘Oh yes, I had a look through last night,’ said Kashvi. She pulled out her laptop. ‘Did you see the way the clusters are sharing similar radiation patterns?’

‘Ooh, I didn’t notice that yet,’ said Jane, leaning over eagerly. ‘What have you got?’

~*~

It must have been about half an hour before the lights flickered. Jane and Kashvi both hit save, experience born of dodgy electricals in dorm rooms. 

‘Uh, guys?’ said Darcy.

Jane looked up. ‘Fuck,’ she said.

There appeared to be alien invaders surrounding the cafe.

‘Is it… Halloween?’ asked Kashvi hopefully.

‘Students are always doing dumb student stuff,’ said Jane in the same tone, her eyes fixed on the invaders.

All around them, the cafe’s clients and staff were slowly stopping to stare. There were most definitely a group of aliens outside. They were tall and slender, wearing clothes that looked a little like plastic in areas. _Body armour_ , Jane’s brain supplied. They carried guns. In her heart of hearts, she didn’t really believe they were students: alien invasion pranks these days got people shot by cops freaking out.

‘I hit the panic button,’ said Darcy quietly, shoving her phone back into her pocket. ‘Avengers are on their way.’

‘Do you know what species they are?’ That was Carla Valentine, still in the cafe.

‘Er. No.’ Jane swallowed, trying to ignore the dozen or so pairs of eyes now on her. ‘Never seen them before. Sorry.’

A young couple near the back slipped through the staff door. Jane wasn’t completely surprised when they dashed back in a moment later.

‘They’re out the back!’ hissed the guy, eyes wide.

Then the aliens moved, filing into the cafe, harshly barking orders and gesturing everyone into a corner. They spoke the Alltongue, then. Jane followed their directions miserably. It seemed too much to hope this was a coincidence.

‘You are all hostages,’ shouted one of them, presumably the leader. His - or her, Jane couldn’t tell - voice was low and had weird echoes, like rocks bouncing off each other. ‘If you follow directions, you will not be unnecessarily harmed.’

‘ _Unnecessarily_?’ echoed Carla. ‘What the hell does that mean?’

‘Asgard will relinquish our property or the hostages will be sacrificed! Find the mother and the child!’

Jane stopped herself from sighing out loud and mentally cursed Asgard. It probably wasn’t even their fault but right then it definitely felt like it.

‘This is your fault,’ she heard someone mutter. She swallowed. That unfortunately felt very true. 

‘Hey, shut the fuck up, douchebag!’ hissed Darcy. ‘No one asked you.’ Jane smiled at her and reached over to squeeze her hand.

Then she stepped forward. ‘It’s me,’ she said shortly. ‘Let the others go. Asgard doesn’t care about them.’

‘Jane!’ Darcy grabbed at her arm. ‘Stop it!’

Jane ignored her. She wasn’t a fan of dumb heroics and she was going to murder these assholes if they hurt her baby, but it didn’t seem fair to put anyone else through this. If Darcy had summoned the Avengers, she’d be fine.

‘We see no need to release the other hostages,’ replied the leader. ‘They may prove useful.’

‘Fuck you, assholes!’ said Kashvi, behind Jane.

‘No! We won’t-! you can’t-!’ One of the men in the crowd made a rush for the back door. The leader let off a shot, and a bright blue light burned into Jane’s retinas even as she let out a short scream. 

When she could see again, the man was lying on the floor. 

‘Oh god,’ muttered someone from the back of the crowd.

‘Do not try to escape,’ said the leader.

Jane grabbed for Darcy and Kashvi, not daring to tear her eye from the leader. When she found them, solid and real in her hands, she forced herself to look at them. Darcy had gone very pale and Kashvi kept looking over at where the man lay on the floor. Jane closed her eyes and counted silently in her head, breathing as she counted, trying not to panic. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. She didn’t have anything apart from her laptop, a jug of water, a couple of crumb-covered plates and leftover condiments. She couldn’t do anything with that, not like London where she’d had her equipment. She was trying to remember the hostage drills Natasha had taken her through but her mind was suddenly completely blank.

‘Avengers’ll be here soon, right?’ mumbled Darcy. Her voice sounded uncharacteristically small.

Jane tried to shake herself. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘They’re gonna be already on their way.’ 

‘We need to move them to the ship,’ said the leader of the group. The other aliens began to move forward, making a grab at the humans. Someone had started crying. Jane felt tempted to do the same, impractical as it would be.

‘Shit, what do we do?’ managed Darcy.

‘We can’t get on their ship or who knows how we’ll get out of it,’ replied Jane.

‘We need to slow them down somehow,’ hissed Kashvi, looking around.

Something suddenly crystallised for Jane. She looked down at herself. ‘Give me that water,’ she said. ‘And get some ketchup.’

She didn’t even feel the ice water as she threw it on herself. Then she mock-collapsed to the floor and screamed as loudly as she could. ‘Darcy! My water’s broken!’

Darcy and Kashvi stared at each other, before catching on. Kashvi moved around to cradle Jane’s head and shoulders and Darcy jumped between her legs.

‘SHIT. THE BABY’S COMING,’ yelled Darcy.

Jane screamed again. ‘IT’S TOO SOON,’ she bellowed at the top of her voice. Then she screamed again for good measure.

‘What is this?’ demanded the leader of the group, approaching.

‘Back off buddy!’ yelled Kashvi.

‘If anything happens to her then you guys won’t have hostages, you’ll have a goddamn _war_ on your hands,’ snapped Darcy.

‘IT HURTS SO MUCH,’ Jane screamed. Her throat was actually starting to hurt.

Through screwed shut eyes, she could see the alien invaders were now nervously milling around. She could also see one or two of the hostages making a run for it. She did her best not to grin and instead went with howling in pain. 

‘Take deep breaths,’ said Darcy. ‘Atta girl. In… and out… In… and out…’

Jane did a few breaths along with Darcy and then grabbed her stomach and screamed some more. She hoped her actual labour would be slightly less dramatic. ‘OH GOD I’M GOING TO DIE.’

‘No you’re not,’ said Kashvi, in a reassuring tone that sounded like she was trying not to laugh. Jane shot her a scowl. She was pretty sure her acting wasn’t _that_ bad.

The leader of the group was now talking to a small group of underlings. He didn’t seem to have noticed he’d lost about five of his hostages. Darcy took the opportunity to cover Jane’s skirt in ketchup. It mingled with the water and left a huge red stain.

‘OH GOD SHE’S BLEEDING OUT,’ yelled Darcy. ‘WE NEED A DOCTOR. IS ANYONE A DOCTOR?’

Jane gave another scream for good measure.

‘Calm down! Keep breathing!’ shouted Kashvi. ‘You’ll be fine. Just keep breathing slowly. We need to time your contractions. Has anyone got a stopwatch? You-!’ She yelled at one of the nearby aliens. ‘Start timing when I tell you to!’

The alien backed away a couple of steps.

‘We need your help!’ yelled Darcy. She was clearly enjoying this. So was Jane, a little. ‘What if she dies? It’ll be all your fault!’ She gave a mock sob.

‘I just had one!’ said Jane, because letting things go quiet seemed like it would invite too much room for the aliens to figure out what was going on.

‘Time! Now!’ 

The alien looked at its wrist computer.

Two minutes later - and she knew, because her new alien midwife was timing it - the leader and five of his lackeys got violently electrocuted by some very unseasonable lightning. Jane had brief glimpse of Thor - the Thor she rarely saw, with face dark and eyes filled with fire and fury - before Darcy and Kashvi dragged her behind an upturned cafe table.

‘Oh my god,’ mumbled Darcy as they huddled together. Jane agreed and tightened her grip and screwed her eyes shut. They were too far back in the cafe to get out. She could hear every blow and every grunt in the fight. There was a sudden flash of blue light and Jane let out a small shout and tried to scramble to her feet, but Darcy and Kashvi held her in place.

Then, suddenly, there was silence.

None of the three of them dared move. Kashvi’s grip on Jane’s arm was almost painful now. ‘Please please please,’ Jane heard someone say, before realising it was herself.

‘Hey ladies. You called?’

Jane opened her eyes to see Natasha Romanoff standing to the side, leaning on the upturned table, like she did this every day. She had a rip in her jumpsuit and one of her Widow Bites hung from her hand, smoking slightly, but she seemed unconcerned.

‘Oh my god, I-’

‘We won! You won! Oh thank god!’ Kashvi stuttered out.

Darcy just burst out laughing, which quickly became tears that were equal parts panic and joy. Jane clung to her even as Thor appeared beside Natasha and then near flung himself to the floor to grab all three of them.

‘Jane! Jane, love, are you all right? I saw- What did-?’ He kissed her. He kissed Darcy. He even kissed Kashvi, although on the head. Jane laughed hysterically into his arms and clung tightly. Eventually, Thor pulled back and studied her face and she could see how pale he was. She stroked his beard and felt it tickle against her hand when he managed a small smile.

‘I’m fine,’ she said. ‘We’re fine.’ Her voice was shaking and her throat was sore and her ruined skirt was starting to feel cold. She reached down to stroke her bump gently, since she was pretty sure she wasn’t the only one freaking out. ‘It’s OK, Baby, we’re fine, and you’re still in there.’ Thor copied her gesture and they both sat in silence for a few moments

‘So, er, hi,’ said Kashvi, who was still pinned in by his arm. ‘I’m Dr Kashvi Chopra. Nice to meet you.’

~*~

Thor and Natasha were joined by Sam in escorting Jane, Darcy and Kashvi out of the ruined cafe. Jane tried not to look too hard at the bodies on the floor, alien though they were. She couldn’t help but glance though, and in doing so noticed that the human one was gone.

‘There was… a man…?’ she said.

‘His body’s been taken by an ambulance,’ said Sam Wilson quietly.

Jane leaned into Thor’s arm heavily, clutching his hand, trying to keep herself steady.

Outside the cafe, the surrounding area had been cordoned off by local police. They looked like they didn’t quite know what to do with the spaceship that hovered over the cafe though. Jane looked up, curious, but found herself shuddering unexpectedly and she turned back to Thor, burying face into his arm.

‘It’s a shuttle,’ said Thor quietly. ‘It would no doubt have taken you to the main craft.’

‘There’s another ship out there?’ she yelped, tightening her grip without thinking. Thor, naturally, was unbothered by her nails digging in.

‘Skeleton crew only,’ he reassured her. ‘My father has already sent two warships to deal with it.’

‘Oh,’ said Jane. The surprise in her tone was very obvious.

‘However he may feel, a threat to my heir cannot be allowed,’ said Thor.

‘Charming,’ mumbled Jane. He reached around to pull her into a proper hug. She wondered when she would stop shaking.

~*~

Then there was clean up, and police witness statements, and waiting. Jane stood, in a cold, wet, dirty skirt, heart still jumping at every loud noise, watching the corpses of alien invaders who’d come for her and her baby being removed. At one point she sought out Carla Valentine to check she was OK, but the woman gave her a frightened look before she got close and almost ran in the other direction. Jane returned to Darcy and Kashvi, suddenly feeling distant from herself. Time seemed to drag on interminably. Eventually Jane realised she was crying, and she screwed her eyes shut and willed herself elsewhere.

This time it was Kashvi who came to her rescue, giving her address to Thor and Steve and telling them the Avengers could come and have dinner when they were done. Then she, Darcy and Jane got a taxi (‘I don’t think I’m up for driving back,’ Kashvi admitted) and went back to her very nice house in the inner suburbs. 

Kashvi’s husband Geet greeted her with a shout of relief: he’d been glued to the TV, holding their daughter and panicking a bit. Hearing a rough account of what had happened, he made some tea, while Kashvi gave Jane some towels and found her some clean clothes.

By the time the Avengers arrived, looking a bit grubby but very polite, Jane had had a hot shower and was swamped in some of Kashvi’s clothes. She’d drunk three scalding cups of sweet tea and was playing drawing with Adrika, Kashvi’s three-year-old daughter. It was a lot nicer than watching the news. Kashvi was sitting with Geet and Darcy was listlessly playing on her phone.

‘We don’t want to impose, Ma’am,’ said Steve politely when Kashvi repeated her dinner invitation.

‘Nonsense,’ said Kashvi. ‘There’s a fantastic Chinese takeaway just around the corner. You must need dinner after saving our lives.’ Steve insisted on paying, but since the Avengers would otherwise eat the Chopras to bankruptcy, Jane thought that was probably best. 

Over dinner, Adrika found new friends in Vision, whose purple skin she liked, and Thor, who doted on all children. Despite happily chatting with Adrika and helping her cut her food at one point, Thor kept one warm hand on Jane near constantly, be it holding hers, or resting on her thigh, or touching her shoulder. Jane was finally starting to calm down properly, although she was jealous of everyone else as they were able to drink. She could really use a scotch or two. Or four. 

It was a sign of how much the booze helped that Kashvi and Darcy provided a far-too-spirited retelling of Jane’s fake labour pains.

‘Jesus Christ,’ muttered Steve. ‘Have you ever actually seen a woman in labour, Doc?’

‘The aliens hadn’t either,’ pointed out Jane. ‘Or else the ketchup would have raised a red flag. Besides, it’s hardly common to see when I’ve not had one. Have you?’

‘Yes actually,’ he said, then he grinned. ‘Helped deliver two.’ Jane stared. 

‘What? Since when did you deliver babies?’ demanded Sam.

Steve shrugged. ‘Not all of the women in Brooklyn could afford a doctor,’ he said. ‘Sometimes the best they got was a neighbour. And it wasn’t much better in occupied France.’

Jane snorted. ‘Well I know who I’ll turn to if I do go into labour unexpectedly,’ she said.

‘And apologies in advance,’ said Rhodey, ‘but I am definitely telling Tony you’ve delivered two babies.’

Steve made a grumbling noise and muttered something about team unity and respect.

Wanda remained quiet throughout the proceedings. It transpired that she’d used her magic heavily to protect both the hostages and the Avengers themselves from the attackers so she was exhausted. Instead she sat between Vision and Steve and exchanged muttered conversations with only them.

‘So go on, Thor, spill,’ said Sam at last, once everyone had eaten their fill and the plates were cleared. ‘Who were they?’

Jane felt Thor tense. ‘Old enemies,’ he said at last, voice low and tight with anger. ‘We obtained a ceasefire but never true peace so, like the Frost Giants before that, we took their most powerful weapons. It seems they would like them back.’ Jane shivered.

~*~

Later, Thor declined to leave with the Avengers, choosing instead to stay in Virginia with Jane and Darcy, much to Jane’s fervent relief. 

They returned to the hotel Jane and Darcy were staying in after a more emotional than usual parting with Kashvi. Darcy went to her room to change into her pyjamas but appeared only a few minutes later through the interconnecting door, while Jane was still changing. Jane didn’t have it in her to be embarrassed at that point, and merely gestured for Darcy to make herself at home. Darcy took that as a sign to raid the minibar. It was a sign of how shaken she was that when Thor emerged from the bathroom only wearing boxers and a hotel dressing gown hanging loose, she didn’t even comment. 

By silent agreement the three of them settled on the bed, hunting for a suitable comedy movie to watch. At the end of the movie, Darcy was asleep, head lolling on Jane’s arm. Jane was still wishing for a drink, but Thor had his arm around her and Mjolnir sat next to the hotel TV, so she at least felt properly safe.

‘I sort of didn’t really think, here on Earth, it would be a thing,’ she said eventually, breaking the silence. ‘Like, I know Asgard has enemies but I thought here…’

‘I too believed Midgard’s isolation would protect you,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry, Jane, I was a fool to do so. If the news is known on Asgard then it is known too on the worlds of our enemies.’ 

‘’S’not your fault,’ said Jane at last. ‘It’s just… sometimes I forget you’re… everything that you are. Which sounds stupid, I know.’

‘Not a bit,’ he replied warmly. ‘I have always loved our partnership. Such a relationship would be impossible with someone who cannot forget my status.’

Jane huffed out a small laugh and turned her head to kiss his shoulder. ‘I feel like, I need to… I mean, we have to do something,’ she said at last. ‘I don’t want to just… hide in a bunker or something. But I can’t endanger people again and I can’t let them hurt the baby.’

‘It was not your fault,’ said Thor. ‘But I agree that we should take steps. Would a bodyguard suit you? I can have warriors brought from Asgard to protect you when I am not able. Then you need not restrict your movements.’

‘Holy crap,’ mumbled Jane. ‘I guess?’

She felt him squeeze her shoulders. ‘I had a guard on Asgard, when I was small,’ he told her. ‘I spent much time trying to escape them, I confess, but they rescued me from many scrapes.’

‘Plenty of which I’m sure were your own making,’ said Jane. 

His laugh ruffled her hair. ‘There may be some truth to that,’ he admitted. ‘But if you are not constantly leaping from buildings to escape them, they will be an unintrusive presence in your life.’

Jane briefly imagined turning up to present a lecture surrounded by a cadre of golden-armoured bodyguards. She decided Thor would probably call that ‘unintrusive’ compared to what he’d gotten up to so she decided not to voice it. All the same, she wondered if she could get them wearing suits like Pepper’s bodyguards.

‘Yeah, I think I’ll give it a go,’ she said at last. She was gestating a princess after all. ‘If they mess up my work though, they’re going to be the ones needing protection.’

‘Upon my honour, I shall find only the most intelligent to guard you,’ said Thor. ‘And they will follow your orders directly.’

‘They better,’ said Jane, firmly. ‘Now let’s try and get some sleep.’


	5. Five

The potential for fallout after the attack at Culver didn’t really occur to Jane until she started to see complete strangers outright avoid her.

Now with at least one, and usually two bodyguards accompanying her at all times, she was a lot more noticeable. She’d managed to persuade them to be more discreetly dressed than the typical golden armour she’d seen around Asgard, but they still wore a lot of leather and carried weapons. None of them were under six feet. With Jane beside them, usually wearing some odd combination of Earth and Asgardian clothing for comfort, they made an odd group. Anyone who wanted to avoid her could see her coming a mile away, and it turned out that being a beacon for attacking aliens made some people want to avoid her. Carla Valentine clearly had, and she was far from the only one. Jane couldn’t blame any of them. 

It still weirdly stung. She hated strangers, and much preferred an arrangement where people gave her a wide berth. But sometimes she just wanted to shout that it wasn’t her fault. Or sometimes she wanted to apologise because she _was_ putting them in danger.

‘Ignore the assholes,’ said Darcy, when Jane haltingly voiced her feelings. ‘Blame those jackass aliens. Blame Asgard and all their stupid wars. Blame your boyfriend and your dumbass future-father-in-law if you want. It’s, like, not even a little bit your fault.’

‘I know, I think,’ muttered Jane, absently fiddling with some wiring. ‘It’s just if I hadn’t been there…’

‘Who even knows?’ said Darcy. ‘Anything could have happened. They could have tried for other human hostages. They could have attacked people on Asgard instead. I thought you watched enough time travel TV to know that what-ifs are a bad line of speculation.’ Jane had been forced to laugh at that, and had managed to continue with her work, while Darcy continued making eyes at her head bodyguard (who was a distant cousin of Thor and looked a bit like a female version of him, except somehow three inches taller).

It wasn’t really until a couple of months after the attack that Jane realised it was a bigger problem than people awkwardly avoiding her, when she was at the Avengers base to look at some stuff Erik was working on.

‘People are scared, Thor.’ It was Rhodey who was speaking when Jane walked in (well, waddled in, if she was being honest with herself) looking for a snack (preferably with chilli peppers and a heavy helping of pickles). He, Maria and, of all people, Nick Fury were sitting across from Thor.

‘Jane.’ Thor sent her a cursory smile. ‘I hoped you would join us. Do you have time? This concerns you as well as I, and I would rather you were here.’

‘Dr Foster,’ greeted Fury, and Maria nodded.

Jane approached, suddenly rather nervous, and joined Thor on the couch. He was regarding the other three seriously, but to her relief he didn’t seem angry.

‘It seems as though the attack two months ago remains at the forefront of people’s minds,’ he informed her.

‘Oh,’ she said. Her voice came out small so she cleared her throat in the hopes of sounding more assertive. ‘Right.’ She wasn’t sure what else to say.

‘We’re not talking riots in the streets,’ said Rhodey reassuringly. ‘But people are nervous, and that makes the government nervous.’

‘Naturally,’ said Thor. ‘Do they propose to take steps?’

‘At the moment they’re just squabbling about what, exactly, they should do,’ said Maria. ‘It’s hard to protect against an enemy you can’t possibly predict.’

‘So you suspect they may try to sanction Jane or I in some way?’ said Thor. Jane blinked. Thor sounded remarkably unconcerned with what he was saying - polite, even.

‘After the Ultron incident, the Avengers aren’t quite the favourites they used to be,’ pointed out Fury. ‘And media reports from the event itself are explicit: they attacked Earth because of Asgard.’

‘Loki’s attack was not so different,’ replied Thor.

‘He wanted Earth,’ said Fury. ‘Those guys? They wanted something from Asgard and a man got killed because of it.’

‘There’s no formal plans for anything discussed at my level,’ said Rhodey. ‘But I wouldn’t be surprised if they want to enforce protective custody on you, Jane, while you’re on Earth.’

Jane’s mouth dropped open. ‘But- they can’t-’

‘They would not be wise to.’ Thor’s voice had lost its calm very suddenly. The room dropped in temperature by about ten degrees and Jane shivered. ‘I will not allow that to happen.’

‘Would you be wise to fight it?’ asked Fury.

‘I would not be alone,’ said Thor. ‘While Jane carries my heir, this is Asgard’s fight.’

‘Oh my god, stop right now,’ cut in Jane, the absurd threat enough to counteract the bizarre unreality of what the others were saying. ‘Asgard is not going to war with Earth because the US government is filled with assholes who are freaked out about the contents of my uterus. I’ll just go and live on one of Tony’s private islands.’

‘I’d recommend the one off the coast of Morocco,’ said Rhodey, breaking the tension, much to her relief. ‘Nice beaches.’

‘He keeps showing off about the Caribbean one to me,’ said Maria.

‘Nah,’ said Rhodey. ‘Morocco’s where it’s at. Trust me.’

Thor suddenly stood. ‘I am afraid I must return to Asgard for a short time.’

‘What, _now_?’ Jane yelped.

He took her hands and tugged her to her feet. ‘My most sincere apologies, but I cannot ignore this, and there are measures Asgard could take to protect Midgard. You are correct that now is not the time for threats. I think instead now is the time to extend a hand of friendship. After all, in a few short months our worlds will be inexorably linked. Asgard should properly protect the world of its heir.’

‘It’s going to take more than the promise of an army,’ said Fury.

‘That I understand,’ said Thor with a slight smile. ‘Fear not, for that is not all I plan. You have my most sincere thanks for speaking to me of this. Distanced as I am from Midgard’s government, I would have missed the signs.’

‘But you can’t just- why can’t you-?’ Jane broke off because her voice was getting all strange and she was feeling stupid and emotional and annoyed. She tried not to sniff. 

‘My love, I am sorry,’ said Thor. ‘I will be back in but a few days, but I must take these steps now before the matter becomes more serious.’ He turned to the others and said a brief farewell, then made to leave, still holding Jane's hand. She followed him miserably out into the corridor and then towards the closest door to the outside. 

‘Our worlds must become closer, for our sakes and for that of our child,’ said Thor at last. ‘You do understand, don’t you?’

‘Of course,’ muttered Jane. ‘It’s just… bad timing. Stupid hormones,’ she added with a sniff. ‘Stupid government. You sure you don’t want us to live on Asgard instead of here?’

He leaned down to kiss her forehead. ‘If that is your wish then we may discuss it at a later date,’ he said. ‘But for now, I promise you I will be back within the week.’

Jane grabbed his shoulders and pulled him down for a proper kiss. He had to bend over the bump these days, but he always followed her direction, then gave her a warm smile when he pulled back.

‘See you in a week,’ she said.

‘Or less,’ he replied, squeezing her hand. ‘I shall think of you every moment.’

Then he was gone in a burst of light. Jane sniffed again and stomped back to the lab, resting one hand gently on the bump as she did.

‘I hate politics,’ she told the baby. ‘I hope you don’t inherit that from me because you’re going to have to rule a planet.’

~*~

Thor kept his promise and returned five and a half days later. Which was good. If he hadn’t Jane would have probably attempted murder because she kept knocking over bits of equipment with her belly when she worked so she spent most of the week in a foul mood with everything.

After he got back, and after they had a rather pleasant reunion that left her a lot less filled with hate at the universe, he explained what he’d done.

‘There will be two ships on permanent patrol in your solar system,’ said Thor. ‘We will also have constructed an array of satellites to spot any approaching craft.’

‘Well,’ said Jane, wrinkling her nose. ‘That was easy.’

He smiled gently. ‘Not quite so,’ he said. ‘The technology, naturally, is well within our abilities. And on Asgard my father and his advisors had little reason to object: we have always considered Midgard under our protection and such an effort is no less than we have provided for other allies.’

‘How- how was your dad?’ she asked. He hesitated. ‘Thor,’ she said quietly, running her hand down his arm to catch his hand. ‘Tell me.’

‘He was… well,’ said Thor at last, seeming to consider his words carefully. ‘He would not tolerate the threat to Asgard from our enemies, as I knew he would not.’ Jane tugged at his hand gently and he sighed. ‘I really thought he would be pleased to have a grandchild,’ he admitted at last, sounding so confused her heart broke a little. ‘He even seemed to be warming to my choices when first he let me live here with you. I- I have not seen him happy since before Mother died, and it seems that everything I do further drives the wedge between us.’ His eyes had dropped from hers as he spoke and he was now staring at the covers of their bed, mouth curving downwards. He looked suddenly too young to be a prince who’d negotiated protection for a planet, let alone very nearly a father.

Jane wrapped both her arms around him tightly and squeezed as hard as she could. ‘He should be proud of you and happy for you,’ she said thickly. Odin might be grieving, but she was pretty damn sure he needed to get his act together.

Thor allowed himself to be pulled in and hugged properly, even though he had to bend around her bump.

‘I missed you,’ he said softly into her ear.

‘Me too,’ she said. ‘I missed you, I mean. I didn’t miss me. It’s pretty hard to miss me these days.’ She gestured to her bump, which seemed to stick out about a mile.

He laughed very suddenly, and dropped one of his hands to stroke her belly. ‘All the same, I succeeded in doing so,’ he said, smiling very genuinely at her.

‘So…’ said Jane, after a few moments of silence, ‘when are the spaceships getting here?’

At that he laughed again. ‘Alas when I said it was not so easy I meant it,’ he said. ‘Asgard is willing, but now will truly be the challenge, for the peoples and governments of Midgard must be convinced.’

Jane considered his words. ‘I guess,’ she said. ‘I mean, if you’re going to ruin GPS or TV signals then people are gonna get mad.’

‘That is unlikely,’ said Thor. ‘The satellites will be positioned to orbit your star to view the solar system in all directions. I believe they will be closer to Venus, I think you call it, than Midgard. Asgard’s ships will be further out still, near the asteroid belt.’

‘But we can go and see them?’ said Jane hopefully.

‘I shall arrange a visit,’ he assured her. Jane beamed. ‘Although I had better do so soon after they are in place.’ He leaned down to kiss her belly and she wriggled backwards at his beard tickling. He grinned up at her. ‘After all the arrangements we have been making here, I would hate for you to go into labour on a warship.’

‘That might complicate the citizenship thing,’ said Jane.

~*~

It didn’t take long for Jane to realise she hadn’t quite appreciated that Thor being part of the Avengers wasn’t the same thing as an actual, formalised defense agreement. Which was a thing that did not exist. And that Asgard was unwilling to draw up. And that a lot of countries weren’t sure they wanted. And they certainly didn’t want an informal version with spaceships they couldn’t see or defend themselves from lurking around.

Thor spent much of the following month either arranging or in meetings with the UN and politicians from individual countries. He actually rented several floors in a building in New York, one of which became a private condo for him and Jane, but the others were more of an unofficial embassy, with a number of Asgardian staff on all levels - from secretary to diplomat. Jane hadn’t been really expecting an approach that was so dry and political, certainly not from Thor or even from Asgard itself. 

The talks themselves were kept very hushed up because, as Thor confided to her, none of Earth’s organisations or politicians could agree, nor could they work out how the peoples of the world might react to such an offer from Asgard. Thor seemed entirely unworried. In fact, he barely seemed bored.

‘Naturally I would prefer not to be in such meetings,’ he told Jane when she asked him how the hell he was coping one night over dinner. ‘Midgard has so much more to offer me than the offices of the United Nations.’ He’d winked at her then, because he was irrepressible. 

‘You’re still dealing with it way better than I would,’ Jane pointed out.

‘That is most definitely true,’ he agreed, grinning. She prodded his leg with her toes under the table. ‘Jane, this is not the first time Asgard has been distrusted,’ he continued. ‘We prefer action to this form of diplomacy it is true, but we have many allies and agreements drawn up not in battle but across a table. I have been involved in this sort of negotiation before.’

‘I’m pretty sure you once nearly started a war because you were slightly annoyed,’ said Jane. ‘And the reason I’m pretty sure of that is because it’s how we met.’

He gave a guilty grimace. ‘I confess that for all my temper is improved, I speak better with allies than with enemies,’ he admitted. ‘And frankly most of the negotiation is done by those more skilled than I. My diplomatic abilities are in other arenas.’

Those _other arenas_ weren’t something Jane witnessed until news about Asgard’s proposed measures finally began to filter to the public.

Firstly: he spoke.

Or rather, once the plans were confirmed by the United Nations representatives, Thor gave a speech. The Avengers old and new, and all the usual collection of friends and allies gathered together at the compound to watch it on TV, complete with popcorn.

Jane - who lived with Thor, and was used to him, and had seen him drop food on the floor then pick it up and eat it, and wear the same gym clothes for three weeks, and who knew for a fact he’d spent forty-five minutes perfecting his beard alone - was entirely captivated. Not only did he look utterly immaculate, he brought out the charm big time, just to remind the world that they all sort of fancied him really. Jane was biased, despite the five-second-rule thing, but even amongst the other Avengers (and her friends, and her Facebook feed) there was a _lot_ of gaping. He also, perhaps for the first time she’d seen, was very definitely a _Prince_. He looked and spoke like a man who could (and still possibly would) run a planet.

‘Fuck me,’ said Tony, they all settled down for a meal on Thor’s return. ‘That was almost as inspiring as the first time I saw Cap sing the national anthem. If I’d known you had it in you I’d’ve had marketing hire you long ago.’

‘Funny, Tony,’ said Steve as Thor grinned.

‘Good job, though,’ said Rhodey. ‘That was a hell of a sales pitch.’

‘Just natural charm,’ said Thor with a wink at Jane.

‘Also, like, a thousand years of giving inspiring speeches,’ Jane pointed out. ‘I had, like, seventeen people on Facebook who haven’t spoken to me in years show up and ask for an intro though, so it worked. The world remembers it fancies you.’ And then, because she was in a good mood, she added: ‘And I think I fancy you a bit more.’

Tony jeered good-naturedly. Thor puffed out his chest, looking pleased with himself.

That wasn’t all Thor did, though. He also _listened_.

Jane was used to Thor returning home having made multiple new friends in a single afternoon, all entirely different ages, genders, races, life stages and jobs. He would talk to strangers in bars, in libraries, on the subway, and find out their names and whatever story they had to tell. She, by contrast, occasionally felt like a deer caught in the headlights when a cashier had a follow up question after “how are you?”.

Now that he had positioned himself not just as Thor-the-Avenger, but as some sort of proto-ambassador-to-Earth, he just dialled it up to eleven. Not just in New York in between the odd meeting with the UN (most of which he’d already palmed off to the Asgardian diplomats), but all over. He flew to Hawaii. He did a week visit to the Horn of Africa. He dropped everything to cross the Atlantic and talk to protesters in Sokovia, where he spent hours being shouted at for his involvement with the Avengers and for which Wanda later called him a fool. Considering all that had happened there with Ultron, she probably had a good point, but Thor was unfazed.

‘A very wise man once said that to hold out for universal popularity would take a long time indeed,’ he said stubbornly.

Wanda looked at him. ‘I know which quote you are referencing,’ she said. ‘Natasha also made me read those books. Albus Dumbledore may be wise, but that doesn't make you less foolish for expecting support from Sokovians.’

Thor’s tactics seemed to be working though. He didn’t convince everyone, but he did manage to calm people’s fears enough that no one in the government seemed to be freaking out about Jane and her baby any more.

‘I should have guessed when you said you had diplomatic talents, you meant flirting the planet into submission,’ Jane told him one evening as they lounged together watching the news. Two of the newscasters were gushing about how great Thor was because he’d earlier run ten marathons to raise two hundred thousand dollars for charity. 

‘It is a difficult task,’ he said solemnly. 

She snorted. ‘Uh huh, sure looks it,’ she said. ‘If it wasn’t for all this baby sapping my energy I’m sure I’d be more jealous.’

‘Well,’ said Thor grinning, ‘I see I must ensure that you have no reason to be.’ He leaned down to kiss her, one hand tugging gently at the edges of her shirt.

‘I’m not saying no,’ said Jane, after a few very pleasant minutes, ‘but how the _hell_ have you got any energy at all? I am dead on my feet because I stood up for half an hour earlier.’

Thor smoothed his hands over her bump with a soft laugh. ‘Then I shall just have to make sure you have no further need to stand today.’

Superhero boyfriends, Jane reflected as he carried her to bed and cheerfully stripped her of her clothes, definitely had their advantages.

~*~

A couple of weeks later, Thor was in China with some of his Asgardian diplomat types doing politics stuff. Jane was in Stark Tower doing some work in her ongoing collaboration with Tony. Or rather, she should have been. Tony was elsewhere doing something else and Jane was distracted, glumly watching the news coverage of Thor in China, fingers lightly drumming on her stomach when Darcy walked in.

‘Jane, I am so done with your pining,’ she said. ‘He did say he won’t be long.’

‘I’m not _pining_ ,’ said Jane. Darcy raised an eyebrow. ‘I’m not, I’m-’ She cut herself off and sighed. ‘He’s such a… prince.’

‘Uh… yeah?’

‘No, I mean... look at him!’

‘I have spent a lot of time doing so. Dude is buff. Nothing personal but I plan to continue to look at him.’

‘ _Darcy_!’

‘Well what am I looking at?’

Jane sighed and tried to put together the words in her head. ‘It’s just… we talk about marriage, right? Like, I think we’re going to.’

Darcy cocked her head. ‘I mean, I figured that.’

‘Yeah, but… I can’t be _that_.’ She waved her hand at Thor on the TV, who was greeting a group of locals and chatting with them cheerfully like they were all best of friends. ‘I can’t talk to people. I can’t make people like me like he does. I can’t… do that.’

‘Plenty of people like you,’ said Darcy reasonably. ‘ _Thor_ likes you. And me, when you’re not pining. I don’t think you need to worry about it that much.’

Jane snorted. ‘Thanks, but it’s not- I can’t be a Princess, Darcy. I literally can’t think of anything I’d be worse at.’

‘Who even said you need to?’

‘What?’

‘I’m serious, Jane,’ said Darcy, heading over to the kitchenette and pulling out some mugs and teabags, flipping on the kettle as she did. ‘Like, Thor knows you. I’m pretty sure he would have mentioned it if he expected you to suddenly transform into some diplomatic genius.’

‘It’s part of being married to him, though, I know that. There’ll be parties and, I don’t know, ambassadors to entertain, and- I don’t even know what but he has said there’d be stuff.’

‘So? You’ve gotten grants. You’ve done college donor evening party things. Just plaster a smile on and grit your teeth and think about how pretty he looks in whatever he’s wearing. Or pretend they’re about to fund your project. I don’t know which one gets you going more to be honest.’

‘Haha,’ said Jane. ‘I’ll still look like I’m faking it.’

Darcy, who was by then pouring out two cups of tea, raised her eyebrow again. ‘Next to Thor literally everyone on the planet looks like they’re faking it,’ she said. ‘Relax. Just get out your textbooks and memorise how you're meant to address a duke and you’ll be most of the way there.’

Jane accepted the tea and did her best to believe Darcy. She hoped it was true. She just wished she could escape the fact that she simply wasn’t Princess material.

~*~

The next day she was, at last, successfully working, and so was Tony. They were bickering over the meaning of some black hole data. It wasn’t his speciality so Jane was confident she was right and he was just arguing for the sake of it. 

This time it was Darcy who was in a bad mood as she stomped into the lab, helped herself to a doughnut, and sat in the corner looking sulkily at her phone. Jane glanced at Tony, who shrugged and made a gesture that it was Jane’s problem and not his.

‘You OK, Darce?’ she asked.

‘Oh, yeah, fine,’ grumbled Darcy. ‘Intern is just complicating my life.’

‘Isn’t he in London?’ said Jane. ‘What’s he done from there?’

‘Ugh, he’s got a job offer in New York that he’s thinking of taking. And he’s all: “maybe we can meet up”, and “maybe we can do out to dinner”. And I don’t know what to do with that.’

‘Uh…’ said Jane. ‘Go out to dinner with him? If you want?’ she suggested. She looked at Tony. She was not great at romantic advice but this seemed reasonable. Tony shrugged again and returned to his calculations.

‘Yes, but we practically live in New York these days,’ said Darcy. Jane blinked in confusion. ‘So I’d be closer to him.’

‘Is that a problem?’

‘Well I don’t know. Maybe we go to dinner and date a bit and then break up and everything is fine. But what if we don’t? What if we date forever and get married and have babies and in ten years time I’m driving the kids to school in an SUV in the suburbs?’

This was more than Jane felt she could cope with. ‘Maybe don’t… move to the suburbs?’ she suggested. ‘If you don’t want to.’

Tony sighed. ‘Jane, you’re terrible at this. Darcy, you’re a commitment phobe. Been there, done that. Just make up your mind and stop turning my lab into a tween drama.’

‘It’s _my_ lab,’ said Jane.

‘In my building,’ said Tony.

‘Pepper’s building,’ argued Jane.

‘Didn’t it freak you out when you started dating Pepper?’ put in Darcy before Tony could reply.

‘Uh, just a little bit,’ said Tony. ‘But you know, a massive case of superheroism and PTSD at the same time doesn’t make it easier. It’s still not that hard to _not_ drive an SUV in the suburbs if you don’t want to.’

‘You know you’re as shit at this as Jane is,’ said Darcy with a huff.

‘Hey!’ complained Jane. It was a token complaint. She was shit at this. She didn’t even care that everyone knew it. She just felt she shouldn’t let it stand unopposed before she went back to her math.

‘Whatever,’ said Tony. ‘I’ll get Cap to recommend you an SUV. I think he and Sam are going to settle down in the suburbs and probably adopt, like, seven children any day now.’

Jane thought of Sam and Steve having kids and smiled slightly. She was pretty sure they’d be great at it. ‘Are you and Pepper ever going to…?’

‘Uh, maybe,’ said Tony. ‘Right now you’re a grumpy-ass walking billboard for why Pepper hasn’t made up her mind, so thanks for that. But if your baby’s cute enough that she decides she does want one, I’ll make you godmother.’

‘Aww,’ said Darcy in a slightly cooing voice. ‘Then all the Avengers’ babies can play together.’

‘And when you get an SUV, we can carpool!’ said Tony sarcastically. ‘Or we can _all_ move to the suburbs.’

Jane had a sudden, bizarre vision of her baby playing with Tony and Pepper’s hypothetical kid, or Steve and Sam’s seven hypothetical adopted children. It felt like a bad sitcom, but it was also weirdly adorable. 

Except, of course, that it wouldn’t be like that at all. Her baby would stay a child for far longer. Her baby would watch Tony and Pepper and Steve and Sam grow old and die. So would she, if she took the apple like she knew she was probably going to. And Darcy… Darcy, whether in a weird suburban fever dream or whatever she actually wanted from her life, would age too. If Jane took a golden apple she wouldn’t just see Darcy and the Avengers age and die, but all their kids, and their kids’ kids.

She choked back a sob.

‘Oh jeez, what the hell,’ said Tony.

‘Sorry, I just- you’re all going to die and I don’t- I don’t know-’

‘Well that was weirdly threatening sounding,’ said Tony.

Darcy moved over to give her a hug. Tony was included in that. Jane had a bit of a cry into both of their shoulders.

‘Dude,’ said Darcy. ‘Just eat the apple. It’ll be awesome. You and Thor can be a weird fairy godparents to my family for generations. I expect you to spoil the shit out of them all. All future Lewises are to live in totally non-suburban mansions.’

Jane laughed even as she gave another sob.

‘Friday, can you tell Thor to get his ass back from China?’ said Tony. ‘If he can’t make it, tell Steve to put on a wig and come and look sympathetic.’

‘You know if Pepper gets pregnant, she might get all tearful too,’ warned Jane, wiping her eyes.

‘Yeah, well, that’s _Pepper_ ,’ said Tony. ‘You, on the other hand, are footing the bill for dry-cleaning this shirt.’

Jane laughed again. ‘Jackass,’ she said, managing to grin.

He grinned back. 

‘You two are so weird,’ said Darcy.

~*~

Thor did actually fly back that night. When Jane had insisted he didn’t need to he’d shrugged and said the weather had been nice for flying and just smiled charmingly at her.

Then he’d held her when she had another cry and told him she was going to accept a Golden Apple. It was the right decision for her, and she knew it: her life was with Thor and her baby and all the stuff she could see and do and explore in the universe with hundreds of extra years. Thor was delighted, but managed to be solemn, which she appreciated a lot. He seemed aware of how the decision weighed on her.

‘It’s just… I never had a lot of friends growing up,’ she admitted at last. ‘A few. But I skipped a bunch of grades so high school was rough and even at college I was out of sync with everyone. Grad school was much better, but Darcy… I didn’t expect- she was meant to be just an intern- but she _likes_ me. And it’s never been weird or awkward.’

Thor, sitting beside her with his arm around her, rubbed her shoulder gently. ‘A finer friend you could not ask for.’

‘And the Avengers too! I never really thought- but they are. And I don’t want to leave them behind.’ She glanced up at Thor. ‘Do you- does it bother you-?’

‘That I will see them age before me?’ he finished. ‘Yes, very much so.’ His voice was quiet and his hand on her shoulder had stilled. She reached across to take his other hand and to her relief he sent her a small smile. ‘I have had mortal friends before,’ he admitted. ‘No close friends on Midgard, but on other such worlds. Asgard has always discouraged such bonds, and I do understand why, but it is one thing to say that and quite another to live it. When you do battle with someone they are more than a friend - a brother, perhaps - and to say goodbye… it is never easy.’ He hesitated. ‘I am lucky, of course: my closest friends and my family have always been of Asgard. It is not a replacement, but it eases the grief to have someone there. I hope that I can be there for you. And that when we begin to spend more time on Asgard you too will make other such friends.’

‘I hope so,’ mumbled Jane, glancing down at her hand holding his. ‘I’m not exactly great at that.’ She glanced up in the silence that followed to find Thor frowning at her like he didn’t quite understand her. ‘Look, it’s sweet that you think- I get that _you_ like me,’ she continued, ‘but I’m just not… people are hard. I’m not good at them.’ Her fears from the previous day resurfaced very suddenly. ‘I don’t know that I’ll be much good at making friends in the normal way, much less being a princess. I can’t- I mean, I don’t-’ She was babbling. She forced her brain to stop. It was not making her feel any better.

Thor’s smile was very gentle, and not at all teasing. He pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

‘Jane your inability to see your own charm has always been the most baffling thing about you,’ he said. She opened her mouth, but he got in first. ‘When we were separated I long feared a more deserving soul than I would sweep you off your feet, and some days I still do not understand the incredible luck I must have to keep you in my life.’

Jane felt her cheeks were burning by this point. ‘Yes, well, you-’

‘It is not just me,’ interrupted Thor. ‘You do not talk to people as easily as I, it is true, but those who know you grow to love you.’ He tucked some of her hair behind her ear and she sighed and leaned into his hand. Almost overwhelmed, she half wanted to bury her face into his shirt but she just about resisted. ‘Also,’ continued Thor, voice less soft now and more his usual strident tones, ‘Asgard values honesty and what on Midgard would be called bluntness. You will fit in well. I live in fear that when we begin to spend more time there I shall have to fight off every single lord and lady who speaks with you.’

‘Oh my god, Thor,’ said Jane, laughing and giving into the temptation to hide her face in his shirt.

She felt him also laugh too, and further wrap both arms around her.

‘Just so you know,’ she said, into his chest, ‘Darcy expects us to buy all future generations of her family mansions to live in.’

Thor laughed again. ‘I find myself not in the least bit surprised,’ he said.


	6. And One Time It Didn’t...

Jane looked down at the baby.

The baby looked up at Jane.

She beamed. The baby continued to stare with wide, impossibly blue eyes that were very familiar. She guessed it was possible they might darken to resemble hers, but she suspected that these were to stay.

‘Hi!’ she said. ‘Hi, Baby!’ Her voice came out high-pitched and excited. She continued to beam. 

She touched her baby’s nose. It was soft and round and adorable. She stroked her baby’s cheeks and smoothed her sparse blonde hair.

‘You’re amazing!’ she told her baby, on the off chance that she would remember this.

‘Can I hold her?’ asked Thor, leaning forward on his chair and also beaming. 

Jane was in a huge hospital bed, in a newly built private wing of a hospital. It was a bit ridiculous in her opinion, but with the need for security and the Healers wanting some more advanced technology, she guessed it made sense. The whole wing would be donated for general use once all the extra Asgardian equipment had been stripped out. As well as rooms so luxurious Tony had called them excessive, it had a huge pool because Jane had wanted a water birth after doing a lot of research. Jane hoped some future moms would enjoy it. 

‘No, my turn,’ said Jane stubbornly. She cooed at her baby, who made a gurgling noise. Thor pouted, but Jane felt after a pregnancy lasting over twenty six months (one hundred and fifteen weeks!) in total, plus a twenty hour labour, she got to hold her baby for as long as she wanted. Thor’s chief effort had been a lot more fun.

Thor removed his boots and got into the bed anyway, wrapping his arms around both Jane and their baby, reaching forward to stroke the baby’s hair just as Jane had done.

‘We still need a name,’ said Jane.

Thor shrugged, unconcerned. ‘I wasn’t named for five years after I was born.’

‘Yeah, well, you don’t need a social security number on Asgard,’ said Jane. She wiggled her fingers at the baby, who followed them with her eyes. ‘You’re so perfect,’ she cooed. She lifted the baby closer to give her a kiss. ‘She’s so perfect,’ she added, in case Thor hadn’t registered. It began to occur to her she was possibly still a little bit high from the excellent Asgardian drugs. She was definitely exhausted.

Thor, however, smiled and agreed in a murmur. Jane allowed him to hold their baby properly at last and his already broad smile got bigger. 

‘Careful,’ she said.

‘Do not fear,’ he murmured. ‘I’ve held babes this small before.’ He gave their baby a somewhat beardy kiss. 

‘She’s smaller than most sandwiches you make,’ Jane pointed out. 

Thor chuckled softly and ran one finger along their baby’s arm, and seemed to be counting out the digits on her hand, which was about the size of the ball of his thumb. ‘Hello, Daughter,’ he said quietly. ‘Welcome to Midgard.’ The baby opened her mouth. ‘She is perfect,’ agreed Thor.

‘She should be given a chance to feed,’ murmured one of the Healers, who was keeping a respectful distance and probably doing some tests or something on a computer. Jane didn’t care at that moment, which she accepted was unusual of her. She just wanted to play with the unnamed Baby Foster-Thorsdottir.

Thor pouted again slightly, but handed the baby back to Jane, who was wearing light hospital robes that easily pulled apart at the front. She had, at this point, been way too naked in front of her Healers and Earth midwife to care about her modesty and she cuddled her baby to her chest and made vague encouraging movements to try and get her to latch on. Embla moved closer to help her shift her hands to hold the baby more comfortably. Thor was still basically in bed with her but he was very warm and comfortable.

‘This is weird,’ said Jane eventually, once the baby had managed a bit of a hold.

‘You’re beautiful,’ said Thor, voice a bit awestruck.

‘She’s beautiful,’ said Jane.

‘She is,’ he agreed fervently. She felt his arms tighten around her before he shifted one up to support their baby. ‘You are both so very wonderful.’

‘Also tired,’ said Jane. ‘Speaking for myself.’ She yawned and leaned back on his shoulder, still watching her daughter happily. 

~*~

Soon, she slept. She slept for a long time. When she woke up, she had no idea what day or time it was, although the sun streamed through the windows. Beside her, Thor dozed lightly, although he woke as soon as she moved. She ached and stung in a lot of places, including places she didn’t even realise could hurt. She still had the warm weight of a now-sleeping infant resting on her though, and she smiled down at the top of her baby’s head, once again smoothing down sparse blonde hair.

‘Are you rested?’ murmured Thor. ‘There is no need to move if you wish to sleep longer.’

‘I’m happy here,’ replied Jane, just as quietly. ‘And I’m not going to move for a while.’ She felt him kiss the side of her head and she squeezed his hand. Despite her aches and pains, lying on the bed with her family had a slightly surreal, dreamlike feeling. It was like winning all the Nobel prizes at once, not just one. She slipped in and out of sleep for a bit longer, always waking to find Thor and the baby still there.

Eventually, things started to happen. Babies cried and needed diapers changed. She’d been ignoring that for the past few hours. Thor, however (to her relief), seemed happy to contribute and he took advice from Embla as he did so. Jane allowed Ragna, the more senior Healer, to help her from her bed and take her to bathe in herb-scented water that went a way towards easing some of her aches. After that, she settled back in her bed in a clean gown, accepted food and drink along with Thor. She also managed to feed the baby successfully again, which remained weird and a little bit painful and gave her stomach cramps, but was still somehow entirely awesome. She made more cooing noises at her daughter.

‘I should definitely get some ointment to put on these,’ she said, gesturing to her breasts. ‘Ragna said she’ll find some.’

‘I’ll help,’ offered Thor lazily, with a cheeky smile. Jane nudged him.

~*~

At last she felt just about human enough to accept visitors. Her mom and Darcy were the first. Darcy had brought a last minute gift of a very soft fleece plush alien. Thor didn’t even roll his eyes at that: he just beamed as he introduced them to the baby.

‘Twenty hours of labour, Jane! My goodness!’ said her mother, rocking her. ‘You must be exhausted! You only took five!’ She smiled down at her granddaughter. ‘And just look at her though! Her eyes are so awake and, oh my, that grip!’

‘She’s gonna be stronger than us in about two years,’ said Jane. ‘And I assume taller than me in about five.’

‘Superbaby!’ said Darcy. ‘I should have bought her a toy Captain America shield!’

‘Is she latching properly yet?’ asked her mom.

‘Yes, mom,’ said Jane, in a tone as reassuringly unsarcastic as she could get. ‘She’s Thor’s daughter. She’s not going to say no to a meal.’

Thor grinned. He was holding the alien plush in his hands while Darcy and her mom cuddled the baby. He looked adorable. Jane beamed at him.

~*~

‘She looks like you already!’ said Sam to Thor.

‘She looks like a lot of babies,’ pointed out Jane. ‘They’re all wrinkly and mostly bald.’

Steve, next to Sam, laughed. ‘Practical as ever, Jane.’

~*~

‘She’s adorable,’ said Natasha. ‘But there’s a blind spot in one of your security cameras out the back of the wing.’

‘There is a shield on the entire building,’ said Thor. ‘We are safe. But the blind spot shall be seen to before we hand this wing over to the general public. My thanks for spotting it.’

‘I thought I detected something,’ said Vision. He was wearing a sweater vest so he looked even odder than normal. ‘It is different to the shielding Tony uses.’

‘It’s magic,’ said Wanda. She considered the baby. ‘But so is she.’

‘Naturally,’ said Thor. ‘Although I do not expect any specific abilities to manifest for some years.’

‘You look well, Dr Foster,’ said Vision politely. ‘Although I admit to being a little unfamiliar with the more traditional methods of birth.’

Jane tried not to laugh. ‘Um. Thanks,’ she said.

Natasha looked a bit like she was ready to run away. ‘Can I… hold her?’ she said at last.

Jane smiled. ‘Sure.’

~*~

Erik looked nervous when he arrived. Darcy came back with him.

‘I wanted to hold her again,’ she said.

‘Are you sure you’re safe?’ demanded Erik.

‘If you mean physically, then yeah the Healers have checked me over,’ said Jane. ‘If you mean the hospital then there’s a shield from Asgard and about five million guards around.’

Erik glanced around, saw Thor was occupied with Darcy, leaned forward and whispered. ‘I don’t think Loki’s dead. I see him in my dreams.’

Jane jumped. Her heart suddenly pounded. She forced herself to be calm, trying to remember what the doctors had said about Erik. ‘I’ll tell Thor,’ she lied. ‘We’ll get extra security. He’s not going to harm her, I promise.’ That bit she didn’t think was entirely a lie. Now she had her baby, she wouldn’t mind a few more bodyguards.

All the same, the visit from Erik left her a bit unsettled.

~*~

Odin arrived on Earth unannounced. Even Thor seemed surprised by this. 

He briefly held the baby while Jane watched him like a hawk. He said a few distant, almost scripted words of congratulations to them both, and formally welcomed the baby into the world as his granddaughter.

Then he left, although not so quickly that he didn’t run into Jane’s mom returning for another visit.

‘So you’re Thor’s dad!’ she said with obstinate cheer. She’d heard too many stories from Jane to be truly friendly. Jane caught Thor’s eye. She wasn’t sure how this would end. ‘I’m Miriam Foster.’

Odin drew himself up slightly. ‘I am Odin Allfather, Protector and King of the Nine Realms.’

‘Nice to meet you, Odin,’ said Jane’s mom. ‘You must be so thrilled to have a granddaughter. I’m sure Thor will be a fantastic father too. Isn’t it nice, our two families being brought together like this?’

Odin stalked out. 

Jane tried not to laugh. ‘Mom,’ she said. ‘We’re not _trying_ to make him hate us.’

‘I was just being friendly,’ said her mother, which was a total lie. Then she huffed. ‘Besides, he needs to get that stick out of his-’

‘Would you like to hold your granddaughter again, perhaps, Miriam?’ interrupted Thor very politely. Jane gave up holding back and just laughed.

~*~

Sif the the Warriors Three were more welcome visitors from Asgard, even if their idea of playing with a newborn was rough enough that Jane had to work really hard not to wince visibly.

It was Thor who snatched their baby back and cuddled her protectively. ‘Have care!’ he grumbled. ‘She is only small!’

Volstagg laughed. ‘I felt much the same, after my first,’ he said. ‘You will relax, once you become used to her. For all she’s a small babe, she’s stronger than she looks.’

Jane had been about to warn them off throwing her baby in the air again but got distracted. ‘Wait, when you guys say “small”, do you mean....?’

‘She’s quite a low weight,’ said Thor. ‘Not unusually so, but-’

‘She’s _twelve pounds_ ,’ interrupted Jane.

He nodded earnestly. ‘Yes, slightly below average.’

Jane shut her eyes. ‘Oh my god.’ When she opened them the Asgardians all looked confused. ‘Forget about it,’ she said. ‘ _Aliens_ ,’ she added, to the world at large. She was definitely telling this to Darcy later. And Helen. Although Helen would probably want to publish it.

‘May I-?’ asked Sif.

Thor passed the baby to Jane, to hand to Sif, who was on the other side of the bed. In Jane’s arms, her baby made a cheerful sounding gurgle and failed her arms a bit, which Jane decided she would choose to believe was recognition that she was back with Mom. Jane wriggled her fingers and grinned when the baby’s eyes followed the movement.

‘Hi again, Baby!’ she greeted, leaning forward to kiss her daughter’s forehead very gently. ‘You’re making lots of new friends! Come and see Auntie Sif!’

‘Aunt?’ said Sif, frowning, as she accepted the baby. ‘But you know I am not Thor’s sister.’

‘It’s a thing,’ said Jane. ‘Parents’ close friends are aunties and uncles, until she’s older. I still call one of my mom’s best friends “Auntie” sometimes.’ Sif looked at Thor. Thor gave a minute shrug and eyebrow raise that Jane knew from experience meant _Midgardians are strange_ and united him and his friends in their confusion. She folded her arms. ‘Just go with it,’ she told them.

Sif gave a small smile. ‘Very well,’ she said. She looked down at the baby, catching her hand with one of her fingers. ‘Welcome, Niece. I look forward to training you to beat your father in battle.’

‘Not for a few decades, perhaps,’ said Thor.

~*~

Rhodey came to visit, delivering a message from the White House congratulating them. He also brought flowers from himself and held the baby and asked Thor if she could fly yet.

‘Perhaps in a few years,’ said Thor with a grin.

‘Don’t you dare try,’ said Jane. ‘At least not before getting her a parachute.’

As well as the congrats from the President, they also got a message from the Secretary General of the UN. Both welcomed “Her Highness” into the world.

Jane looked at her baby and for the first time remembered she was a princess.

‘Weird,’ she said.

Thor merely instructed one of his Asgardian secretaries to reply appropriately to the messages.

They also received an encoded note that took Jane’s computer half an hour to crack. It read: “Nice work on the PR campaign - gov’t quiet and happy so far. Congratulations on the baby. Try not to make any more messes. N.F.”

~*~

Helen was an enthusiastic visitor. She, not trained in labour or delivery, hadn’t been involved in the birth. She’d been given all the data though, and she told Jane a lot about her hormone levels. Jane, still a bit too out of it for science, wondered if this was what it felt like talking to herself. She thought maybe she should apologise to Darcy.

‘She is so beautiful though,’ said Helen, once she finally stopped talking biology. ‘You must be so proud.’

‘Very much so,’ said Thor.

‘I’ve been working with Embla on some aging and growth simulations if you would be interested?’ Helen offered.

‘Maybe later,’ said Jane. ‘My head feels like it’s filled with goo right now.’ 

~*~

Pepper and Tony also brought a card and some flowers from some of the other lab workers at Stark Tower who Jane had been working with recently, which was sweet.

‘Awww, she’s adorable,’ said Tony. ‘Isn’t she adorable, Pep?’

‘You’re incredibly transparent,’ said Pepper. Then she smiled and allowed herself to be given the baby. ‘She is adorable.’

Tony gave Jane a discreet wink. ‘What are you going to call her?’ he asked.

‘Antonia. Tony for short,’ deadpanned Thor.

Tony blinked. ‘Really?’

‘No, idiot!’ said Jane with a snort. She thwacked Thor on the arm. ‘And you can stop it.’

~*~

‘What _are_ you going to call her?’ said Darcy later. She’d been around for Tony and Pepper’s visit and had shown no signs of leaving. Instead she’d crawled onto the other half of the oversized bed and was lying next to Jane, who was feeding the baby again.

‘We have not decided,’ said Thor. ‘On Asgard it is rarely considered until the parents have met and grown to know the child, so I admit I gave it little thought.’

‘We’ve argued over it a bit,’ said Jane, with a fond but somewhat guilty smile at Thor which he returned. ‘Asgardian names, particularly for someone in her position, tend to be unique. Whereas I’d like to name her after someone.’

‘I didn’t even know you two knew how to argue,’ said Darcy, raising her eyebrows. ‘How about a middle name?’

‘Not typical on Asgard,’ said Thor. ‘But in this case that is the compromise we’ve agreed on.’

‘Two middle names,’ said Jane. ‘Which is nothing compared to royalty on this planet, let me tell you.’ Thor gave a soft laugh. Jane glanced at Darcy. ‘Her middle names are going to be Miriam Darcy,’ she said at last.

Darcy blinked. ‘Are you being serious?’ she said. Her voice sounded suddenly very thick.

‘Absolutely,’ said Jane. ‘Even if you do start driving an SUV and living in the suburbs, you’re my best friend.’

Darcy squealed and tried to hug her without jostling the baby, which was virtually impossible. It was more of a half hug, but Jane accepted it gladly. It was nice to be the one getting cried on instead of doing the crying for a change. Although her eyes did feel a bit wet. She blamed it on tiredness. Thor joined in the hug, his arm around Jane stretching to encompass Darcy as well.

‘We also hope that, once my father has grown more used to Midgardians in his family, you will spend some time with us on Asgard,’ he said.

‘Oh my god yes,’ said Darcy straight away. ‘I am totally coming to space.’

Jane laughed. Warm and comfy and surrounded on three sides by her loved ones, she could feel herself slipping into sleep. At least, until the baby started to cry.

‘Dang,’ said Darcy. ‘Is there an Asgardian name that translates to “holy shit she has massive lungs”?’

‘Your turn to change,’ said Jane to Thor, not moving. 

Thor was already getting up. He gave a snort of laughter. ‘How long does “my turn” last?’ he asked good-humouredly. He had done it every single time so far.

‘Let’s see,’ said Jane. ‘I was pregnant for two and a bit years so… first ten years.’

‘Sounds fair,’ said Darcy.

‘Sounds totally fair,’ agreed Jane. She winked at Thor.

Thor grinned and bowed. ‘As my lady wishes,’ he said. Then he gently lifted their crying baby and held her to his chest, murmuring nonsense as he did. Jane laid back in the bed and watched through half an eye as he changed her. He was already pretty efficient at it, and in almost no time at all he was back in bed with her and Darcy, still cradling a now quieter baby to his chest.

He smiled at Jane when he saw her watching.

‘You two are so cute,’ she said.

‘It was worth it then, in the end?’ he asked hopefully.

‘Yeah, of course,’ she said.

‘Might you want another?’ 

She heard Darcy’s choked laughter before she could even react.

‘ _Oh my god Thor_ it’s barely been a _day_.’ 

He still looked hopeful. And he was very adorable holding their baby like that.

Jane sighed. ‘Ask me in five years,’ she said. ‘We’ve gotta name this one before we have another.’ He beamed.


End file.
